My window is slightly open and I can hear the sound of raindrops. It's truly beautiful. I can smell the sweet scent of it and I'm thinking of you. The breeze is lovely. I miss you. You treated me like shit but I miss you. I miss the way you would always tell me that you love me and I miss the way that you would always call me beautiful. I don't even know if you truly meant it or not. You were stunning. Your eyes were gorgeous. We planned to meet up all after lock down but you went and fucked everything up. I trusted you again. You said I could trust you and that you wouldn't hurt me again. But you did. You told lies to me and I believed you. I was so in love with you. I told myself not to get attached again and I did. Why can't I just be normal? Honestly. I wish I didn't get attached and trust people so easily. I don't really trust anyone anymore, not even my parents. I really just miss you. But you're gone. I wish you didn't exist and I wish you were proud of me. I wish that you knew that I'm a month clean from self harm. I wish that you didn't make me question why anything was really worth it. I wish I didn't cry over you. You weren't even worth crying over but I did. I should have never forgiven you in the first place. I let you back into my life and then it just fucked everything up again. You just ruined it. I don't understand what it is wrong with you. You need to learn to treat people respectfully and stop worrying about what other people think of you. I wish you hadn't been embarrassed of me. You always left me wondering what I did wrong. I want to hate you but I can't. I wish you would come back into my life but at the same time, I'm glad you're gone.
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In Order to Stay Alive, I Think I Have to Kill My Mind
Non-FictionTRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ This is your trigger warning. Please do not read any further if you are easily triggered. I began writing this book in 2018 when I was at one of the worst times in my life. I am still writing it in 2020, and am hoping to write i...
