In Order to Stay Alive, I Think I Have to Kill My Mind

The Harsh Reality of Intense Suicidal Thoughts and Feeling Numb.

I'm honestly done. I don't feel anything anymore. I just feel like crying all the time. It sucks. I want to feel okay, feel something but I can't. I'm numb and it's scaring me. I feel like I've become so numb to everything, I'm afraid of what I might do. I'm so afraid. My self harm and suicidal thoughts are becoming stronger everyday.

I'm ready to cut my veins out which I know I'm too afraid to do, because I'm afraid of leaving my family and "friends" behind. I'm literally listening to the playlist I used to listen to when i was at my lowest. I honestly don't feel anything anymore and it scares me. I only feel numb and pain of when i drag a blade across my skin. Please don't worry about me, I'm just struggling right now and i could really use support. I try to help others as much as i can but im becoming weak and i need strength to build up again. I think im just really stressed at the moment due to transitioning into year 11, completing my exams, changes, pulling my hair out and fear of being bullied because of my bald patches. I honestly just writing my mind right now and i don't know what to do anymore. I just want to let everyone else know that they're valid and important, don't end your life you'll regret it.

I should be telling myself that.

Does anyone else just feel like crying for absolutely no reason? They just want to cry and hide away? I feel like that right now. My dad's being his worst version of himself again.

I'm sorry for burdening everyone with my problems I feel like people are judging me because i know other people have it worse and i know ugh. I'm just really struggling with my thoughts and i feel like such a burden to everyone around me.

I feel like im annoying my friends 95% of the time

I'm tired of living

I'm tired of immature bastards

I'm tired of hiding my feelings

I'm tired of trying to talk to people and have them judge me

I'm tired of my family lecturing me every time i try to talk to them about something important

im tired of my sister deliberately stirring me up

I'm tired of no one understanding

I'm tired of stupid school

I'm tired of pretending to be okay

I'm tired of having to repeat how i feel to other people

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of people asking if im okay and then begging me to open up to them

I honestly just don't know what to do anymore im just..done.

I'm NUMB.

-LJ