Intrusive thoughts are horrible.
I wouldn't wish them upon anybody.
You could be sitting there washing the dishes, holding a knife, and suddenly your mind says "stab yourself" or "cut off your hand", "stab whoever is closest to you", "slice off your fingers".
You could be around a pregnant woman and your first instinct is to kick her stomach so she loses the baby.
With my intrusive thoughts, I often experience thoughts of homicide and suicide.
I often feel very overwhelmed and afraid of myself when I have these thoughts because I don't know if I could blackout and end up hurting myself or someone else.
It disgusts me, but I am unable to control it. It makes me feel so icky and gross and terrified of myself.
Having intrusive thoughts is not bad unless you act on them.
Sometimes it scares me. The thoughts are so strong, I feel like screaming and just get an overwhelming feeling and think I should just hurt myself or k1LL myself so I don't have to deal with it anymore.
Thoughts are scary; sometimes terrifying.
I wish sometimes I wasn't so messed up but then again, over the years they have shaped who I have become as a person and they have allowed me to become stronger, and grow.
Please if you are struggling, reach out to a professional or a trusted adult.
You are loved.
YOU ARE READING
In Order to Stay Alive, I Think I Have to Kill My Mind
Non-FictionTRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ This is your trigger warning. Please do not read any further if you are easily triggered. I began writing this book in 2018 when I was at one of the worst times in my life. I am still writing it in 2020, and am hoping to write i...
