Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Pills

(Story of how I felt when I was on pills) 

I am so tired of all these pills.. 

They make me want to kill..Myself. 
I am so tired of all this pain. 

I am so tired of the stain that I make. 
I'd rather be baked. 

They say its the devils lettuce. 

But, I betcha. They never tried it. 

All these pills just make me cry at night. 

They got one for stress. 
But it makes me a mess. 
They got..They got.
 They got one for sadness. 

But it turns all the voices in my head into madness. 
But it didn't stop until I wanted to die. 

Tie me up in all these vines. 
These pills so small, can cause so much damage. 

It feels like bandage on all the wounds caused by others. 
It runs through my veins like poison. 
It only makes me feel damaged. 

Can't you hear me screaming! Please stop shoving all this down my throat. 
You make me spaze, you make me hallucinate as the tears stream down my face. 
As I am forced to lay there in pain. As I withdraw from the drugs that I am addicted to. 

I feel so restricted, convicted, and guilty as I shove the pills down my throat to sleep. 
I sit there and I weep as the feeling courses through me, and I can no longer feel. 

They have stolen my happiness like a dementor. 

Its all unreal. It feels as if I am dazed. 

And I am crazed, as the doctors stare at me and tell me I have issues. 
Obviously, that's why I am here isn't it? 

I open my palm as I turn my face, without a word. They hand me another pill for insanity. 

I am in vanity. How is this my only way of humanity. 

Ridden with pain as I lay there and I panic alone. Feeling the cold sweat ride up my spine. 

As I scream inside, writhing in pain. Like a worm out of the dirt. A fish out of water. 

I can no longer breathe, I can't see what's in front of me. 
I find no hope in living, take a pill. Take a pill. TAKE A PILL! 

I shove them down my throat once more as I am forced to live like a zombie under the control of

seroquel! 

Its got me by the throat, making me choke. 

I am in fear that I am about to croak. 
Blow me away because all that I am is smoke. 

A shadow of what I used to be, But I don't even remember who she was anymore. 
I just want her back! 

I just want her back.. 
I provoke my own insane thoughts.. 
As I down another medicine that is supposed to help me cope. 

I feel like I am walking a tightrope. 
Out of the corner of my eyes I hallucinate the knife in front of me. 

When I reach for it, it vanishes and suddenly my worst fears come screaming back at me. 
These pills are supposed to help. They are supposed to help! 

My voice is the only one that echo's back to me. 

(Echo's back to me)(Echo's back to me) 

I mope around, as I grapple for my dope. 
Leaving me paralyzed but I am to afraid of the withdrawal. 
I am in denial of myself, as I grapple for hope. 
But there is none to be seen. 

Pills, you help no one. 
You only make me quarrel  with myself. 
Pills, you help no one.