Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Sympathy

Sympathy,
 Pity? Are you kidding me?!I
know I am kind of nit and gritty, and not very pretty in this heart O' mine,
 But you can BET this heart is like a city! 

But let me tell you something, I don't need your pity,
What I needed was a friend; But that appears slim. 

I get it I am grim;
But there is no synonym for the anger I feel when I see the word Friend. 

Do you even know what that is? 
I swam for you,
Limb from limb torn apart at the seams,
I would of done anything.
 I told you my dreams.
 I told you my screams in the middle of the night, 
I granted my trust to you and it was overthrew. 
I made a breakthrough,
but you didn't come through. 
And the only thing that is true about you; 
is that you didn't care as much as you said. 
So SCREW YOU  and your view of me.
 I am not brand new, I am accrued of pain, and trauma, 
don't stick around or I might harm ya! 
I can't believe I keep doing this,
 I hand my trust and then I am broken
I stand with justice; that enough is enough
I am tough enough without you. 

And I never needed your sympathy.
I know we think differently,
 but literally all I wanted was for you to be
here visually and visibly,
I held your hand through waters of terror;
I was a friend WILLFULLY.
But typically you left.
You abandoned the one
that grabbed your hand so don't
mistake me when I say
I instantly lost all love for you,
the moment you said
you had did not have pity for me.
I never wanted your acidity,
I just wanted the ability to have a friend,
I get no one is my emotional dump.

So now I suffer sufficiently in solidity.
where your toxicity will not pierce my tranquility.
You will not come within the vicinity of this heart.

You lost your chance, when you willfully said you had no pity.
Religiously I said I did not want pity,

 I wanted a friend,
I wanted resiliency and stupidly I tried futility.
I am sorry if my existence annoys you,
Misery loves company don't you know.
But I was not in misery
 I deliberately sought you out for help, and you ignored me.
Well here is your award of approval;
think twice before burning me.
I adored you;
I am sorry; But I do not kill my spinal chord;
in running after people who wish to leave.
For I will not retrieve you;
I will un-weave myself from your heart,
and I will grieve for a time,
 but do not be deceived that I will still be there,
Because I won't be.
You will not find me where you left me,
All because you give me sympathy..
What a gift to receive..

I had my heart on my sleeve, 
And you came in like a thief. 
I said way to much, I attached to quick.

I can't conceive why you would do this to me. 

I understand if you were in pain to but a message to me; 
Would of been nice you see. 
I just wanted you to be there for me as much as I was for you.
But you thought me beastly. 
I am picking up the debris myself. 
Because I don't want to be over-whelmed anymore. 
A friend to the world 
But no friend for me. 
Now I just want to repel anyone around me. 

You may call me a child for leaving you.
You may say many things if that's how you feel. 
Just know that I am only trying to heal. 
And I will not be disrespected by the world. 
I know I have a lot of problems in this soul of mine. 
But I was never asking you to fix them.
Just to listen. 

In a split decision my condition 
Was no longer a concern. 
I sent out a transmission for some sort of position 
In that heart of yours. 
But when you patched it up. 
You went on your way. 
Left me here. 

So I am following my intuition 

And I shall disappear. 
I will soar away, 
And I doubt you will ever
Be aware of my absence. 
It's all clear how one feels.

So here I will say the Lord's prayer for you.
And be on 
My way. 
For this road we met, has split its path. 
And I will not be here in last we met.