Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

I don't know

 I don't know

Don't tell me how to breathe.

Don't tell me how to feel.

Don't tell me whats in my head!

You have no idea, Idea, idea.

What goes on up here.

I Don't know! I AM ONLY 22

I don't know, who I am anymore.

Don't tell me how to breathe,

Because I don't know how.

Don't tell me how to feel.

Because I can't anymore.

Don't tell me whats in my head!

Because there is so many voices.

I don't know! I am only 22!

I am already to nice, Thrift shop my heart.

All anyone does is take me for granted.

Planted their stakes into my life.

Everyone, I hate everyone. You cause me strife.

You make me ache.

You make me only feel like a mistake.

Every time I am awake, you make me regret life itself.

All of you who were once in my life were only snakes.

You only took what you could because I let you in.

Then you wonder why I am fake?

Why I smile through the pain?

Are you kidding?

Yes I am admitting I am a forgiving person.

But this only makes me feel unfit for this world.

You never listen, everything is missing.

I am digging, for everything. Some sort of beginning.

But all its got me is raging as life is kicking me down.

And I am swimming or am I drowning.

Sink or swim, keep your head down, Its retail.

Your shift will end.

Am I willing? No.

Its written into my will.

I don't feel I am ever transmitting what I am trying to say.

I don't know!

I am only 22.

Everything is hidden within, Am I living?

I can't tell anymore.

I can't tell anymore.

I am biting at the fucking bit!

I am on fire! I can't afford to writhe in pain.

When I have rent on my head, I got bills to pay, and no time to kill.

I am a millennial I have no prayer.

My cries fall on deaf ears.

As I stare into the dark abyss that is waiting for me.

I am an heir to nothing, I flare inside my heart.

Where do we go?

What does a millennial do?

I aspire to be something bigger than all this.

But it only feels like a mere dream, as I am grasping for a breath.

I swear this is not where I want to be, I assure you I am aware,

of this all. I feel bizarre, I can't fit in anywhere.

Work, home, public, school. What box do I fit in?

I can't fit in anywhere, I am a black sheep.

Smear me on the ground because that's I feel like,

A walking mat.

Don't tell me how to breathe.

Don't tell me how to feel.

Don't tell me whats in my head!

You have no idea, Idea, idea.

I chase downers to feel empowered,

I tell lies to make me feel alright.

I chase addiction as I am trying to hid the pain inside.

I tried to be the guide.

But it only feel I deny myself the light.

I am only wearing a disguise.

You really think I am happy?

No!

I don't think I can survive tonight,

I am surprised your still here.

I wish we could all unite, and my pain.. Could bring sunshine.

All I want is to inspire,

Take my advice, you will be alright.

You will realize the paradise within.

Please forgive me if I disappear.

Does that make me a hypocrite?

I forbid to commit myself to this depression.

I won't submit to this severe whirlwind.

Amid my pain, I find relief in writing.

Once again I begin as my eyes flutter open to begin again.

What goes on up here.

I Don't know! I AM ONLY 22

I don't know, who I am anymore.

Don't tell me how to breathe,

Because I don't know how.

Don't tell me how to feel.

Because I can't anymore.

Don't tell me whats in my head!

Because there is so many voices.

In my sincerest apologies, I fake a smile for awhile.

So everyone isn't worried for me, because I have dealt with this you see.

For awhile, it will come and it will go..

One day I will have ownership of myself.

Until then I rescind into it.