Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Whispers

Whispers You think you can hear my voice; 

But all you hear is whispers of dreams

I tear myself apart at the seams.

The tears stream down my face.
Its an extreme scheme that runs in my blood;
Cut me open and hear the passion that flows through my veins.I smile as I wrap myself in these chains,

All that remains is the pain of yesterday's tomorrow. I am plain, quite contrary, How does my garden grow?

Does it grow with self hatred?
do I plant weeds of self doubt,
 Do I wander in the garden of things I can not change?Will I wander in WONDER
across the great plains only to search across the distance
for what was right there in front of me.

Will I take the pains and make them into warplanes,

will the whispers of everything that I am be a blood stain?

Will I crash into utter despair

will I be all that remains of a whisper that once was a hurricane?

will I complain or will I survive the pain that is inside my brain?

Will I reject the help that comes to me,

only to write in suffering silence.

There is no balance inside my mind this stillness

 the sobbing the stonewall...
is not because I have to be silent.

Its violent; I do not think you want to be on this ride.

 I have died inside and its because of my pride that I have denied who has been beside me;

 All I wanted was to provide happiness to others but myself.

Because if someone
else can smile, and I can be their bride of survival,


then my own pain might slide away, it may dry.

Stand me in front of the firing squad of thoughts,
Its a foreign exchange

my pain for the fix that I need to survive.

Its almost strange how this mange has grown around my heart.

You think you can hear my voice;

But all you hear is whispers of dreams.

Dreams I used to speak on a podium to the crowds,
 that no matter what color we were,
we.. were all...human...

Will I ask these questions forever?

will I ever have an answer for the desperation that screams inside?

Will I want these answers, or will I forever be in pain?

 let it stain on my face, will I tattoo my pain on my skin..

Feel the needle inject ink back into my skin pores...

Will the tears  come back up in the form of vomit?

Will I live...?

or will I die selling my pain..?

 Laugh when I can..?

!!!Abstain!!


Disassociate to the point

that I don't even know who I am,

Half the time,I feel like a burden, Kinda' sad huh?

And yet, I feel like I am to LOUD,

even when I speak.
 I feel as if I should retreat..

reserve back into my shell;


its more comfortable here.

Its where the shadows that are cast across the wall..
are..

Familiar

But are only cast by the flames


of my fears burning deep within me.

Like lava spouting from my breast

 cracking the ribs painfully in my chest. Success makes me wheeze.

Its almost like failure is more relaxed.

Success makes me
bend over backwards diving into

 the fray of the tidal wave.

And yet.. I feel.. I should be quiet.

In the late hours of the night,
The shadows are ever there, staring me down.

"His" hungry eyes gently seducing me only to grab me by my throat, "He" caress me only to stab "his" blade into my heart.
"He" then coddles me, "His" lips on my own as we kiss my life away from me.

For all that I am is whispers of a warrior;
Battling with imagination..

The shadows come to me in the late hours of the night when silence
 has entered the room like a fog that grips me by my spine, only to forcefully rip out any will to live. He grasp me by the throat;  only to rip my lungs out out as
  "He" holds my beating heart in his palms..

For all that I am is whispers of a warrior battling with imagination.. 

And for one day, My silence shall break.. Like a foot on water,
unable to bear the weight of my roar. 

The mountains will echo my roar upon the land; 
The darkness shall know light, 

The whispers, Shall know my voice.