Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Emotions

Emotions

You say I am over-dramatic.

Its erratic, Static, I am stuck in the attic.

I am on auto pilot, You can't understand how this could happen.

Such a mis happen, clearly.

I am just rambling on and on, correct?

I try to keep my attitude, But I can never feel.

For its always wrong. Sure you are try to teach me.

But you just beat me with your ways of doing things.

Kidnapping my heart, you just want to kill it.

Sure it over-burdens you, and you think I don't understand.

You think I don't know what I am doing, First hand.

That I will just strand myself.

You only expand this pain within.

Why can't I be good enough?

Why can't what I do be okay?

I am in quicksand, but where are you? In dreamland.

When I need you, you are not there.

What do you demand of me?

What can I do better?

But you never tell me, you never give me a love letter.

you just drown me in your hate.

and this is my fate, because its all my fault.

Bethanie be quiet, bethanie be quiet.

BE QUIET!

Don't you know what you create in me is destruction,

a whirl-wind of self hate, its at a growth rate.

And you want me to take the bait, to walk straight?

When I was never taught much of anything.

You think I am dramatic, that I only am over-reacting.

Maybe I am, you need to get over your pride.

Because its hurting me, and I can't take it anymore.

Your walking all cockeyed, I know you did your best.

But your best isn't good enough, I tried to provide.

But I have only supplied perfection at your bedside.

I always astrided to be the best child you had.

But it wasn't ever good enough,

I could be doing better, and I could be doing this or that.

Its always my fault no matter what.

Its all a landslide, a misguided affect.

And inside I reside within myself, in a cage locked away.

I am suffocating!

You only have me hating myself. Alternating between self pride,

and self love.

It is devastating, for 16 years, It is agitating, aggravating.

Its always my fault, my fault, my fault.

Don't talk, don't say a word, no one listens to me anyways.

Yet I am concentrating, captivating my dreams, but its not enough.