Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Invisible

See I have been invisible for
 so long that when you notice me I want to run.
 I am a little overdone, overrun,
Feeling like a metric ton.
 I say I want friends;
But, in that sentence? Is a heart full of lies,
A mouth that curls in deception.
I am a personality hidden away.
 When you say you see me, I am amazed.
 Because I have been quiet.
Spent my life in the shadows. Never to be noticed,
with my eyes locked on the mic a "Voice"
screaming within
.Trapped underneath this skin that I wear;
 is where my mind starts to spin.

When I begin to speak, 
its if the world seeks my meek.

 Its a built-in coping mechanism.

 To see me means you notice me.
To notice me means you can hear me.
 There within;
Shouting.
I don't know what about that; scares me,
 The tears within preferred
shared presence; Common shares,
but when I am noticed
its like a kick upstairs, unawares.
My state of affairs
is no ordinary thought process.
I am screaming within;
 and I can't hear the silence.

I am crying like a diamond fighting giants in utter silence,
 its asylum,Utter defiance.I can't see the horizon.
 But I am trying.If only these pilots could be silenced,
 and I could find an alliance within my mind,
I am timeless, a virus, a tyrant.
Just give me my trident so I can kill the smiling sirens.
 Its not a science, just be silent.

 Can't you hear the sirens?
Among my shyness? I am hiding within,
 pilling with no guidance,
Am I smiling or in compliance.
I just want to go onto an island and be invisible.
 I have no confidence.
My lungs scream in utter pain compile,
and vile, just puke out bile; stay for awhile amongst my shadows.

"Become my Lunch"
in this dry-land its bias and a bit of crisis; a little sightless.
I am blind; within, crying in sin.

"Become like us so disastrous;" 

"Come to me provide for us, in this utter chaos. Aint it righteous? Not being the light. Revile us, Die within our grasping arms,"

"Smile within and be silenced by your aspirants"

its connivingly speaking to me.

Shut up!
 So many dreams, so many goals, but how can I speak if I am invisible?
 "Revile us in our violent style; what you crying for minus the virus creeping in our minds!"

NO,It unwinds in the back of my mind,
gnawing and grinding like a wound at the base of my skull;
Always whispering, lines; provides all sides.
Reminds me that the hearse is never far away.
 It tries to define me; and it guides me into an utter decline of myself

Combined with never asking for help.
It divides me

 Assigns me a seat in the furthest part of the high-school
 cafeteria because never thought;
 I'd ever be good enough to speak.
 For in my vines of shrines;
it rides up my spine in the twilight hours,
 everything I fear,
is confined within my mind.
It hides with its teeth baring at me,
it waits for the kill
 only to coincide with the clashing noises
 of bravery.
For one day,
whatever it may be,
I may not be invisible, and
 I may make the discovery of self love, wrapped within the palm of my hands is everything I dream or plan. Fatally they agree.
..they very well hurried away to
 the back of my mind;
only to be
 let out of my house when I need them to write.