Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Surface

 
 I am not that type of person just a writer underneath this surface.

The surface that causes me to be stuck within my bones. 

Stuck within and drowning outside, I can't breathe;

My stress is so covering, like snow barreling down in a blizzard. 

I can't seem to out swim my fears, the ones that keep talking; 

I am not that type of person just a writer underneath this surface. 

The person that would back stab so quickly only to fall off the bridge themselves. 

I am just compelled to be like everyone else, But I know this isn't me. 

You see, within the surface I am so much more. 
But within my core, you have to know that I am wounded. 

Within me is a child awaiting to scream within, and I am held by my pony tails

Society tells me that I can not bleed, I am not allowed to cry. 

Because ladies don't do that; Strong women don't cry, at night.  

Society tells me that my surface is all that people see, and within I am starving

To become something much bigger and more alarming.
I want to grab society by her pony tails and tell her which direction to go for me. 

I want to inspire like a wild fire and I want breathe in the spirits of me,
And I want to live; I don't want to survive the never ending tornado, that they call life.

I want to breathe in the bakery smells of Italy, And I want to see how Rome wasn't built in a day, I want my adventurous spirit to fly free within the winds that hold me, and I want to see it all, 

Before I am growing old within a wheel chair, and I am forever still within the air. 

I want to live not only survive I want to fly within the night sky and feel the wind within my sails and I wish to glide across the ocean with the dolphins under the skies,
I don't want to be bound in chains wishing for my life to take off. 


Because I want to say that when I am old and gray within my heart I will know that I lived fearlessly to inspire those without. 
Because I was them, Am them, will be them 

All I want is to  live within my mortal mind to take strolls on an afternoon ride, To be able to go back to my childhood tell myself to live. 
To scrape my knees to feel the pain bleeding with me. To feel the nails scratch against my skin, to know that I am not a sin. That I am a being three times fold. 
I am a heart of gold.

I Want to see within my eyes a flare of spark that no man can deny. 
I want what others want to see the world beneath me as I dangle my feet in waters unknown.
I  want to be able to be free and not have my wings tied to me. 

I want to be able to breathe in the summer skies as I hold my head high.
I want to be able to wine and to dine without any worries of tomorrow.

I don't want poverty to become my shell, the one that holds me within itself.
Never being able to be free but only a whisper of what once was a dream.

I don't want to be a waste of breath, I want to be something that someone can count on,
So. Society, take me by my pig tails and yank them free because all you are going to see of me is me floating down the river in freedom.

Because I will not abide by the rules containing me, and I will always break free of the cages of mortals, Because I am not to be bargained with; you will find that I am a natural disaster. 

Of pain, and anxiety, Of depression and expression! 

Because I am so much more than a writer on the surface...