Spoken Word #2 (2018-2020)

Don't tell me you know(Mental health Advocate)

Don't tell me you know what's it like to sit there and panic all night, 
This is not a Hash-tag that you can claim, Mental health Advocate. 

You don't get tell me you are aware of my problems, As if you know how to solve em. 
I am not another statistic. 
You wouldn't be able to deal with the freight; But let me get this straight. 

You have the tag; That's great. 
But what are you doing to solve that? 

Don't ask me if I am fine, Because the answer is always the same. 
No' I am not. 

Panic is not something that is not enjoyable. Its immoral. 
Deplorable. 

Depression is a something that swallows you and drags you into its grave never letting you out, 
As you scream and shout for someone to hear you, But they don't 
And it doesn't help that society has a stigma. 

So I can't talk about it because it may trigger someone? 
I put out all the signals of a sucidal person, and I was just called nervous. 

I was told to try Yoga, and many other methods, but I just don't feel that purpose. 
I can't determine why I feel the way that I feel.

But don't tell me you know that is like, You can't possibly know this anger stirring within me. 
I am lashing out in teeth and fire; Beware the monster that is growing within me. 

I am so full of pain; But don't tell me you know how that is, 
You can't possibly begin to understand the voices that scream inside of me. 

The voices that causes me to bleed, And its because of the stigma

That I can't speak. 

Society, Why are we all aware of death within? 
Why do we watch it grin within the shadows of poor unfortunate souls. 

Why do we drown alone, only to be saved by those cast beneath us. 

We all see its teeth; And we are aware that the monsters where never under the bed, 
They were in my head, are in my head, Will be in my head. 

Its getting a little noisy up in here, and I just want to disappear, 
Don't tell me you know fear. 

Fear is a friend that crawls up my spine in the late hours of the night,
forcing tears within my heart. 
I am bothered and I am angry at every little thing that is exploding within me. 

If you could see how tired I am, Maybe you wouldn't bothered by my pain. 
I disagree with myself, I hate myself, I admit. 

This is a battle of self love, even though I know what I am worth,

Just don't tell me you know this battle. 
You can't fake the wounds; You can't tell me that you suffer only to spit in my face.

I am not really something that can fix your problems, I don't even know how to fix mine. 
I just want you know that the anxiety doesn't claim you. 
And its name is not yours. 
You are not a shame, You are proclaimed to be the greatest creation in history. 

You are not the one to blame as your life leaves your body and your suicide note falls to the ground, The one that should be in shame is the world. 

Another name on a tombstone, All because we couldn't talk. 
We just block out this pain in the world, and we never speak. 
Just open the air lock and let it all out. Don't be afraid to shout. 

This Stigma is killing us. 
Its killing me, Because no matter how much I bleed.

Someone will always tell me; others have it worse.

And that's the shit that makes me mad. 
I am on a time clock, You think I would of unlocked myself if I could? 

But I am here shouting within; I am here, Can't you see me. 
I am just an atomic clock ticking to explode, Weather that takes my life with it, I don't know. 

Its a poison that creeps inside our minds, And if we never talk about, How is anyone to understand. We just keep repeating the same plans. 
Over and over, and wonder why nothing is working.

Why is my pain not enough to feel? 
Why is it that I am forced to kneel? 
Why is that I am here in this hell? 
Why can't society let me heal? 

All we ever do is conceal the issues; 
We don't use our positions to help those in need. 
And the conditions just worsen, because we are left buried 6ft under the surface. 

If only I could of just spoken on what made me broken without having to be shamed, blamed or told that I am just trying to grasp for attention.

But what was so wrong about that? 
I wasn't alone, You should know that; I was dealing with the shadows in my head. 
Now I am buried 6ft under, and your in pain; all  because I couldn't speak, and I was shoved off. 

Its not your fault, Its a stigma that we can't assault 

We are all trying to break it. 

But how can we break something we are not allowed to speak about?