Scars We Bury || On Hold

25// Aftermath

Chapter 25

"It hurts more when the person that has broke you is the same person who had been trying to fix you and put back all your broken pieces together."
~H.W
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I look at him one last look "This us is over. We are over." I say tears rolling down my cheeks before I gather my things and storm off. I woke up from the dream that I have been living in for 5 months.

I gathered my things and I stormed off the hotel. I took a cab and all the way in the cab, tears wouldn't stop escaping my eyes. I feel so much pain and I am not able to stop it. When I finally reach my home, I open the door and I get inside. As I take my first step into the house, I find Jack in front of me smiling broadly. His expression suddenly changes when he sees how I look and how much I have been crying.

"What's wrong?" He says with concern and I find myself throwing my arms around him. He pulls me in his embrace and I let it all out. Tears were streaming down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't bear the pain. I have bore so much pain before but this is different. This is a whole new level of pain and it's so hard. It's slipping the life out of me. It's draining the color out of me. It's taking all my strength and how strong I have been for the past years.

I don't know for how long I have been standing here, crying in Jack's arms. The pain was consuming me that I ignored the fact that this was Jack hugging me and trying to solace me. Tears don't seem to have an end and so is my pain. I feel like I have lost everything when in fact, I didn't have anything to lose in the first place. I was just living in an illusion and when it was time to wake up from it, I felt pain. I felt pain because it was just an illusion. It hurts. It really hurts to be broken after believing that you were mended and fixed. It hurts more when the person that has broke you is the same person who had been trying to fix you and put back all your broken pieces together.

My legs get week and my knees are trembling. Everything is suddenly blurred and then it just goes black. My life is passing right in front of me, every moment, I have had in my life seem to pass in front of me. It's like a flashback I am having before I take my last breath on this earth. I am literally dying.

Darkness.
Pain.
Ache.
Tears.
Heartbreak.
Suffer.

Those feelings are the only real thing I have in my life. Those are not illusions. Those are my life. They are always here and I was a fool to believe that someone would be able to erase them from my life or even make me forget about them. I was a fool to believe that my life wasn't bad as I thought when in fact, it is bad. There is no chance for it to be better. Maybe it will be better but after I leave it. This is the second time that I wish to die and I really mean it. The first time was on my mother's grave when I was 14 years old and now Luke Charles marked the second time. I never really thought that he would be the one to break me all over again. It never crossed my mind. I guess if it ever crossed my mind, I wouldn't be here feeling all of this. If you ask me now whether I'm awake or asleep, I won't answer cause I really don't know. It's just black. Maybe I left. But I don't think so, I still have some more pain to endure.

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Next Day,
Wednesday May 15, 2016

I really don't know when and where I slept but I am finally able to open my eyes. The sun is shinning through the window making it's way to my face and there is Jack sitting beside me on the bed.

"Hey!" Jack says softly and I blink a few times before I actually realize what's happening.

"What happened?" I try to get those words out of my mouth and I don't know why but it is  hard. It's like I have no power or strength to even talk.