Scars We Bury || On Hold

29//Letting it all out.....

Chapter 29

"With Luke, my brain just shuts off and my heart leads me. And I have nothing left but a fragile shattered heart which is gonna break soon. But I am willing to love him with my fragile heart and I hope he can mend it again."
~Scarlett Robinson

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Thursday June 20, 2016

Scarlett

"Scar." I hear Luke's voice calling from behind me. I stop walking but I don't turn my face to him.

"Please." He begs, his voice weak and sad. I sigh.

"Just please look at me." He says desperately.

"I can't." I mutter in a low voice before I start walking again. I can't face him. Not now. I can't just look in his eyes.

"You are not the broken girl who gets abused by her brother." He says and I stop for a second. I take a deep breath before I start walking again like I haven't heard anything. He said it on purpose. He repeated it again after I have been trying to forget it for the past month.

"I am the broken boy whose mother gets abused by his father and he just tries to prevent that by getting abused too.....I..." He says, his voice cracking at the last words. His voice is weak and heartbreaking. I couldn't help but turn and look at him. This is unbelievable.

"Y...ou....You.....get...w..hat?" I stammer when I see Luke with tears on his face. I don't know what to say from the shock, I am not able to process what he has just said. He brings his gaze to the ground instead of looking in my eyes. "I get abused too." He says in a low voice. It's like he can't repeat what he has said again. I walk close to him.

When I find Emily and Jess coming towards us, I grab his arms and I rush to the parking lot. He follows me without talking, tears still streaming down his face. I make my way to my car which Jack brought to me as a forgiveness gift. I open the door for him and he is still looking at the ground. His eyes never meet mine and this just breaks my heart more. He gets in silently and I go for the driver's seat before I drive off to one of the beaches outside the city. We took like 1 hour in the car but neither of us has said anything. Luke never made any eye contact with me while I took some glances from time to time at him. And every glance broke my heart more. Suddenly all the pain he has caused me seemed to fade away slowly. He stole my breath and again he is making me nervous by his presence.

When we arrive, he gets out of the car and he makes his way over to the car hood. He leans on it and he looks at the ground beneath him. I go over to him and I stand in front of him. "Why haven't you told me the truth everytime I got closer to discovering it?" I ask him with curiosity.

"Look, Scar. I know what I did can't be forgiven. I know that I really pained you that night but you have to know that since then, I haven't been able to live with myself. I have been dead since then and I can't take my breath without you beside me. I am so sorry. I hurt you so much and I broke the trust you gave to me. I broke your heart, your heart that you have handed me , I broke it when I was supposed to mend it and protect it. I know that you may not be able to forgive me and I must admit, I haven't forgiven myself yet and I don't think I can forgive it. I understand if you don't want to talk to me again but I need you in my life, Scar. I really need you. I need you so fucking much." He says looking at the ground. It's like he got it out of his chest. He is in pain. I can see it and I can see the tears rolling down his face. I can see him wiping them so I won't see them. I can see how he regrets what he has done.