Scars We Bury || On Hold

34//Thantophobia

Chapter 34

"Thantophobia; the fear of losing someone you love."

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2 weeks later....
Thursday 15 January, 2017
Scar
2 weeks passed and I am still broken, I have cried so much those two weeks. I feel like I can't take it anymore. It's draining my energy. I can no longer feel alive. It's getting hard as days pass. I haven't been able to talk to Luke. I don't wanna face him. I know that he deserves an explanation but I just can't do it now. I don't feel like talking and I know he has a lot to say. I said things I shouldn't have said. I hurt him so much and no excuse I say will solve what happened. He doesn't even try to call me or ask about me. He is giving me my full time. He thinks that he is bad for me but that's not true. Yes, my words indicated otherwise but they were never true. Luke is everything I have asked for and right now, I need him more than ever. I just want him to hold me and make my pain fade away. I can't do it anymore. We are on a vacation so I can't even see him at school. We would have been hanging out together everyday now. I ruined everything. I need to see him.

I wipe the tears I have on my face. I make my way to the bathroom and I stand in front of the sink, staring at my horrible reflection. My eyes are puffy, my cheeks are red, tears are still fresh on my face, my hair is messy. I don't recognize me anymore. This version of me is unrecognizable. I open the tap and I wash my face. Every drop of water that touches my skin, makes me shiver and it's like I am in pain. I feel fragile and the least thing can break me or cause me pain. I get out of the bathroom and I dial Jess's number.

"Hey, gurl. Where have you been?" Jess asks.

"He.....hey....Je....Jess." I stammer at my words.

"What is it Scar? What happened? Nate just told me that Luke and you had a small fight. Is that the reason?" Jesseica talks not even giving me a space to answer. I sigh.

"Can....Can.... you guys come and spend the night with me? I need all of you. Call Nate, Aron and Em. Come asap. But please tell Nate to call Luke and convince him to come."

"Are you okay, Scar? You made me worried af."

"I am just tired and I need company. Don't be late."

"Okay, I will call them now." She says and I hang up.

I walk over to my closet and I change my clothes. I wear some jeans and a black t-shirt. I make my hair into a pony tail. And I sit waiting for them. Jack is not home today, he is staying over at Sally's, his girlfriend and Dad is obviously at work. I grab my phone again and I dial Luke's number. He won't come if Nate told him, I have to tell him myself. But I got no answer, just straight to voice mail.

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A while later........
The door bell rings and I rush downstairs to open the front door hoping to see Luke there waiting for me to jump and hug him tightly. I get disappointed when I don't see him. He is not here with them. Nate, Aaron, Jess and Em are here but there is no sign of Luke.

"Hey, guys." I greet them as I open the door widely and let them in. I can't help but feel disappointed that Luke didn't come.

"Hey, Scar. You don't look so good." Em says then they all enter and I close the door. We head to the living room and we take our seats.

"What happened?" Jess asks as she softly caresses my shoulder. I shrug and I let out a deep sigh. I try to be as calm as I can be but it all seems impossible when my mind is not here with me. My mind is all over Luke and my thoughts, they are consumed by him.