Suicide hotline

Chapter 5: Calling Up Again

Song: Impossible Year - Panic! At The Disco

Chance's POV:

(Eli up the top)

It had been 3 days.

3 days since I last spoke to Hope.

She was always in the back of my mind, an itch that I couldn't seem to scratch. I wanted to scratch it believe me, but I just... couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to speak to her again. She made me feel things. Things I didn't want to feel or know about, because if it was addressed, then I know it would be real.

It's not like I had feelings for her, hell I only spoke to her once for about 20 minutes, but still. She made me feel significant.

I hated the effect and power she had over me, I was always the one who was in control. But with her, it was hard because it almost felt like I laid belly up for her.

She told me to do something and I did it.

Maybe it was on account for the factor that I was in such a vulnerable state at the time, and I knelt down in submission. I just couldn't shake the feeling, that maybe she was also the cause of my vulnerability.

The way her voice was so soft, her words were so careful. She put me in a state of calmness that I just wanted to curl up and listen to her voice, it could sure put me to sleep and not in a bored way, but a relaxed way.

After Wesley had come over and found me and what I had done, he forced me to burn my belt. I spilt to him about everything and I didn't avoid talking about Hope.

He told me that it could be because she told me stuff I wasn't used to hearing, but he also wasn't sure.

Neither was I.

I had to make up an excuse to talk to her again, I needed to hear her voice. I could feel awful thoughts beginning to conjure up within the depths of my mind and I needed her to tell me that I was going to be alright, that I wasn't going to die.

"Fuck it." I growled, jumping up from the couch and marching into Wesley's kitchen.

I hadn't bothered to turn off the tv show that I had currently been on and off from watching.

After my incident, Wesley didn't allow me to stay home, he forced me to come and stay with him and his roommate, also known as my other best friend; Eli.

Eli was currently asleep and Wesley was out at work.

As soon as I was in the center of his kitchen, I grabbed ahold of my phone and ripped the charging chord out of the bottom of it. My screen flashed up and the back ground being a plain black picture shone.

I never was one for those stupid back drop things.

Ever since she left me I've kept all my backgrounds dark. I don't deserve to wake up to anything too extraordinary any longer, although a simple picture isn't all that amazing.

I just kept belittling myself and making it as if I wasn't worth anything, even a nice screensaver to look at.

I was breaking my own self down with such the smallest things, it was almost disgusting.

Almost.

Once I unlocked my phone, I slowly walked back to the lounge room, sitting down and lying against the pillows and blankets that had been set up for me.

My other best friend Nick offered to let me move in with him, but I declined. I didn't want to intrude in the way of him and his girlfriend.

I couldn't stand seeing people happy.