Suicide hotline

Chapter 63: Cigarette's and Guardian Angels, Right?

Song: All The Pretty Girls - Vera Blue

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Chance's POV:

I rolled the cigarette between my fingers, watching the small amount of smoke floated in a slow upward motion in the air from the end of the cancer stick.

I developed this nasty habit in secrecy about a month back now, preaching how I would never do drugs nor smoke, I gave in and began trying it.

Turns out I enjoyed it.

I wouldn't say I was addicted but it did help me relax whenever I felt too under pressure.

I guess the deep inhales and exhales would help relax and ease my running mind, like any normal breathing exercise usually would, but this way felt a little more efficient.

Hope had no clue about this and I wasn't planning on letting her find out, that would only put more stress on her freaking out that I would either die young or develop lung cancer.

Either one I wouldn't mind right now.

I sat around the fire pit where I inhaled the smoke, letting it sink into my pink lungs and finally exhaling it, leaving a dirty trail.

Hope was currently at work and I just got home from my classes. Hope had talked me into going, telling me it would be good for me to get some 'fresh air' and actually be around people.

I guess she was right, sitting at home all day along with having my college tuition go down the drain wasn't the best idea.

I tapped on the end of the cigarette, the ash falling slowly as I watched its movements.

So calm yet so helpless.

I sighed loudly, taking another heavy puff.

I knew if Eli was here he would become extra dramatic, coughing his head off and acting over the top. He did with every smoke we passed.

I felt myself slightly smile, yet my heart did the opposite.

I then began thinking about Hope, how lousy I had been treating her lately. Disregarding her and her main human necessities all because I was acting crazy. I hadn't realized the pain I was causing until she broke down.

It killed me knowing I was hurting her and instantly I had to fix it.

Oh I fixed it alright.

My mind than began to drift to these past couple of months, looking back on how life had changed so dramatically. It was funny, when something was taken away a whole dynamic changed.

whether it was for the better or worse, one would never know.

Except in this situation and dynamic, Eli being taken away from ours was for the worse. Oh how painful this is. Nothing will ever feel whole again, the thought of even seeing the guys makes me want to-

"Chance?"

I jumped, almost dropping my cigarette in the process as I whipped my head to the side, coming face to face with the intruder.

I really need to check it I've locked my doors more often.

Wesley Amell stood in the door way to the patio, gazing out at me with his arms crossed. He leant against the open sliding door, his eyebrows furrowed as he gazed upon me.

I knew what he was noticing.

My weight, the dark circles under my eyes, possibly the cigarette.