The Kissing Booth - The First Year

A big decision - Noah

I was not feeling well yet, but I decided to try to spend a normal day with her and see if that bad feeling would disappear ... I needed to try, I didn't want to breakup, I loved her too much... but I also needed to be better before she came home, or I'd go crazy thinking about her near Joe.

During the shower I thought about it, I didn't want to end it, I loved Elle and I still wanted to have her in my life, she forgave me when I slept with Cindy, so I really had to try hard not to think about her night with Joe anymore... of course we would still have to talk about about us before she came back, but I decided it would not be on Friday.

We bought many sweets, a wine, assorted cheeses and popcorn. The weather was cold and it was raining, the perfect excuse to stay home all day, so we went back to the dorm and when we got into the building we saw Sharon coming out. She didn't saw us.

We went upstairs, and all that bad feeling about Joe and Elle came again... I could not refrain the anger... but I didn't said anything, I just layd in bed.

"Hey baby, do you want chocolate?" She was trying to act normal

"No, thanks... I need to get some rest ... I'm so angry now ..." she understood and just layd by my side "You can choose a movie for us to watch, what do you think?" my voice sounded a bit cold, but I smiled

"Okay, what are you up to watching?"

"Fight club?" it was stronger than me ... my sense of humor was very obscure

"I don't think so... maybe some scary movie... let me see," she continued zapping on Netflix "Let's see Chucky ... it's not so horrible, we can laugh too"

"Whatever you want, Elle ..." I tried to force a smile.

"You're angry, I already realized before you said... I just don't know what to do anymore Noah, I really don't know."

"Look ... I was trying to forget all this mess today, I wanted to be with you here, enjoying our last day together before you get back to LA ... but having met that unfortunate woman made me think about what happened to you again. Again, I cannot take off my head the image of you and that guy... I'm sorry for it too, but I just can't."

She was silent and her eyes were filled with tears again... I couldn't stay on this emotional roller coaster, I would need some time, I had to think and try to overcome this mess in my head... I didn't want my angry temper to be a problem again, and with all that angry inside, I would probably start going into fights again. Unfortunately there would be no other way to do this, I had to ask her for a time apart, even though it hurt us a lot.

"Let's see the movie ... we can talk about this tomorrow, okay?" once more I stopped and I held back ... at least for one day

"Okay," she said and we lay down and watched the movie.

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Her flight was scheduled to 4:00 p.m., I had to drop her off at the airport at least until 2:00 p.m. We woke up and stayed in bed, but we still had some time to have lunch and talk. I could not even think of a way to start the worst conversation we would have, but it was necessary ... she was going home and if things stayed without a solution, I'd go crazy thinking about her with Joe. Okay, deep down I knew she was sorry and she really did love me, but it was clear to me that this long distance relationship had unfortunately failed, for us, to be apart, at least during these last months until the end of the year, it would be best.

We were in the restaurant sitting side by side, she was beautiful with her hair stuck in a ponytail... I looked into her eyes, I breathed and I started "Shelly... we really need to talk..." she was calm but I could feel some fear by the way she looked at me.

"Ok... I know we need to..."

"It's been very difficult for me to deal with the fact that you slept with Joe ... see ... Not because I think you belong to me or anything, but because you believed in other people before you talked to me, and" I stoped for a moment... I was really trying to be more careful than anything, because even if we had to be apart for a few months, I still believed that we were going to get together again. I took a lomg breath "the point is that you still do not trust me and also made me realize that this long distance relationship is not working for us." I paused again, her eyes were starting to fill with tears... and I felt mine burning too.

"You are breaking up with me?" she could not hold a tear

"I'm asking for some time apart... look, baby, I really need to digest all this, accept the fact that we've had these trust issues over the past few months... and also try to forget the image I have in mind of you and Joe. The fact is that if we continue this way, once you're back in Los Angeles, if we can not talk one day, for some stupid reason, my head will already point to the idea that you'll be with Joe, and that will not be good for us and for our future... because yes, I still want to have a future with you." I took another deep breath and continued. "Besides, I have to focus on the football games that we will have and the final exams to finish this first year , while you'll have to be prepared for the SATs and the final exams as well. The best way to do this is to beapart, I really wish we had a different way of doing things, but we have to face this now, 'Shelly. I'm really devastated saying this to you, I don't need and I dont have anyone else in my life, I love you very much, and that's why I'm sure that this decision will help us and our future. "

"Then that unfortunate bitch won? She got us apart" she was crying

"No Shelly, don't you see? We got us apart... Our trust in each other had to be stronger... It's hurting me a lot to ask for this time, but it will be the only way to see exactly what we want, and also to focus on our goals ... I need you to study hard and come to Harvard next year. "

"Ok Noah ... I understand your point and I agree we had to have been stronger... I'm going to try to be strong now, but I really don't want to lose you, baby ... I love you ... "

"And I love you too Shelly, but I need this time... I don't want my explosive temper to be a problem for us again, and with all the anger I have inside for Sharon and this stupid night with Joe, I feel I'll explode for any bullshit "

"You respected my time after Thanksgiving and I'll respect yours now... just please... never forget how much I love you Noah, I'll be thinking of you every day and we'll find a way to get well... and if during that time you realize that you want to be with someone else, please let me know... "

She hugged me so tight... I sniffed her hair and I cried too...

"I'm not even thinking about it Shelly, I don't want another girl, I just need you. We don't have to get hurt for no reason, and that's what will happen if we don't accept that time is the best way to fix things. I'm not going to stop loving you... I'm just going to focus on what I need to finish this year in a good way." She wiped her tears and smiled, it was not that wonderful smile that left me with a fast heart, but it was better than tears.

"It's time to go to the airport... time to get back to reality ..." she said looking into my eyes... 

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We arrived at Logan Airport and I took her to the boarding gate

"Have a nice flight... I love you and I'm going to miss you so much."

"I love you too... thanks for everything, for all these months..."

"Don't say like this... we'll be okay, I can feel it in my heart... it's just temporary ... I'll see you back in summer" I had to end it now, it was killing me and I was almost asking her to forget everything I had said

"Okay ... good luck in the games, I know you're going to do your best, my love... I'll always cheer for you, even from a distance." She hugged me and I kissed her, feeling her tears with mine.

She got through the gate and did not look back... I was alone and feeling really empty. I stood there for a while staring at the closed door, until I decided to leave.