Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 12 ~ The Sports Hall

I woke up, straight away remembering what had happened the night before. My head ached, I guessed from slight stressed or my hair being unpleasantly pulled. For a few seconds I debated in my mind whether I wanted to check my state in the mirror or if I would just like to sit and cry again but what was the point in that? I looked at my bed side cabinet and at my lyrics book left on there as I climbed out of bed seeing that the page I had left it on had drips of dried crimson stained on it. Pure emotion. With every step I took towards the bathroom the more, not only my body but my heart ached. I silently, slowly paced myself down the hallway and quietly pushed open the door, hearing the obvious creak in the wood. My eyes instantly connected with my reflection's opposite me. I wanted to run away from myself and smash every existing mirror on this whole planet. I couldn't move as I took in the sight before me, trying yet again to keep back the drops of crystal clear water that was forming in my eyes. My hair stuck out in every way possible and no longer framed my face the way it used to. It was extremely visible and clear to see where it had been carelessly cut. My fingers lightly traced the worst patches as I took deep breaths, aimlessly trying to control myself. I feared walking into school that morning and it turned out I had every reason to.

***

I walked in with hands in pockets and my hood completely over my head, hiding as much of my hair as possible. I didn't even want Jenna seeing which I didn't understand considering she hasn't got a judgmental bone in her body but I couldn't bring myself to let her see, to let anyone see. Of course, that wasn't going to happen though. My hands, still placed in pockets, were fiddling with my headphone wires. I got distracted, walking straight into Tay and Jesse. They both turned around, greeting me with their usual bright smiles so I tried my best to return them.

"Hey, Vic. Since when did you wear hoodies like that?" Jesse questioned. I didn't realize how obvious it was that I was wearing this hoodie for a reason because I'd never wear them normally and if I did I most definitely would not have the hood up.

"Since I thought I wanted to wear one.." (A/N I have no sass in me whatsoever so this is the stupid reply I came up with) I said, unsure of my answer but they both bought it and continued with their conversation as I walked away from the duo. I went straight to form, keeping my head low avoiding eye contact with anyone even if it meant bumping into a few people, muttering 'sorry' and carrying on. I got to my form room and pushed open the door, deciding to finally pick up my stare which unfortunately meant I locked eyes with Kellin. I shifted my gaze away from him not wanting to tell him what's happened because I in a split second knew that for what ever reason he'd be able to tell that I'm not as fine as I normally am. I walked straight past him not uttering a single word and sat down, Jaime already in his seat talking to Tony. Soon enough he was curiously looking at me slightly confused and I just shook my hoping that he'd get the gesture to not ask which he did. I felt bad because I knew I could tell him just as I could tell Jenna but I found it too hard.

Monday morning equals first lesson, Maths. First people I see, Oli and Josh. Without a second to spare they found me and smirked, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I awkwardly stepped past them to where I sit but of course it wasn't going to be as simple as that.

"So I heard you got a hair cut last night," Oli said, "Can I take a look? It can't be that bad." He knew just how to wind me up but I wasn't going to start anything pointless so I tried to ignore it.

"Come on, just show us. Show everyone your new hair." Josh said, defending Oli. At this point we had the whole room's eyes on us greedy for new gossip.

"No.." I tried to say but again only failed as my voice trailed off before I could even finish one word. There was nothing that I wanted more than to be eaten up by a bottomless hole and to never be seen again. I always wondered who'd miss me if I were to just disappear one day, that's if anyone actually would. I continued to walk to my place.

Just as I had almost made it safely past them Josh swiftly sticked his leg out and tripped me up giving Oli time to stand over me and pull off my hood, letting my ruined hair fall over my face. Everyone looked with blank expressions on their faces as they took in the new style of my hair, a new style that I hated. Oli grabbed the top of my hair, and harshly pulled my head up so I could make eye contact with the people in front of me. I had no idea where Miss was, not that it mattered. I doubt she would've done anything to help me, to help any student. A couple people had to hold back uncontrollable laughter while others looked sorry for me. I didn't want their sympathy.

***

I had ran out of the classroom the moment Oli's grip on me had loosened even slightly. My first thoughts were to skip class all together and never return but I couldn't not return so missing one lesson would have to do. I went straight to the sports hall, ignoring the strange stares I got from the people in other classrooms who were peering out the window. They must've noticed the hot, fresh tears hurriedly streaming down my face. Either that or my hair as I hadn't yet put my hood back up as I was so desperate to escape hell. I pushed open the door to the huge room and ran to the furthest wall, sliding my back against it and crouched at the bottom, hugging my knees, loudly sobbing into them. I sat there thinking and thinking.

Why me?

What did I do? I may do some bad things but not as bad as putting someone else in misery and making someone else want to end their own life, I never did that so why was I made to feel that way? All my life I had tried to be a good person, someone who would make a difference in the world for the better. The realisation then hit me. I got treated that way because I can't do that. I can't accomplish anything, I'm not good enough, I'm worthless. No talents, no good looks, no hope, no nothing.

"Why am I still here..?" I questioned myself, resisting the urge to scream it but all I did was make myself cry harder and harder and harder.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there for but it must've been at least just over a quarter of the lesson before I heard the door slowly creak open. I felt stupid because I knew that skipping class was wrong and yet I didn't want to face the consequence which I knew would come so the minute I heard foot steps my head shot upright, hair still draped in front of my left eye. Even though my head was up my eyes were still glued to the floor, I was too upset to even try to do anything, all my depressing thoughts had drained my energy so I waited for whoever it was to kneel in front of me and place their hand on my shoulder. When they eventually came near enough to me to do that I still didn't have the will to look them in the eye. That was until I heard his voice.

"Shh, don't cry," Kellin's comforting voice immediately soothed me. He gently pushed my hair out the way of my face which made me finally lift my stare into his eyes. His eyes made me feel like I'm at home, the same way music did for me. He ran his thumb under my eye, wiping away the tears but it didn't stop others from continuing to roll down my face. I let out quite a loud sob and tried to contain it but I ended up full on crying again at the fact that he was here. I had someone here with me. He seemed a little panicked at that moment and tried to quieten me even more. Kellin moved so that instead he was next to me in a position he could comfortably wrap his arms around me, letting me cry into his top. He didn't say a word afterwards, I was glad he understood that talking isn't always the best way to help. To just stay silent and letting me know that his presence was there to comfort me was the best thing he could've done for me.

I guess it was around twenty minutes later that he finally spoke up and said that we had to go to the next lesson but we'd go together and I nodded in reluctant agreement. He took my hand and I got the same warm feeling inside of me as before. I didn't realise I had began smiling slightly but not fully considering what had just happened. Seb led me to History which we now attended together, next to each other. No more lessons with Oli and Josh until tomorrow. Just my friends and I, just Kellin and I.