Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 13 ~ The Father

I sat with my guitar, alone at home again which become more common than actually being surrounded by family. Although being alone was my biggest fear I felt I knew who the real me was more when I was alone, I thought that it may be because there was no one to judge me. My lyrics book sat in front of me as I read and sang the words which I hoped I'd have the courage to sing in the Leaver's Assembly in only a couple weeks to come. This song that I had been preparing didn't need any more practice whatsoever as I had been singing it to myself for months now but still no one had heard it. I had made a lot of changes to it but at this point it was as close to perfect as I would ever be able to get it and I was happy with that.

I looked at the mirror across the room and half smiled. I still hated my hair with everything in me but it was better now that Kellin had taken me to the hairdressers last night to get it fixed. The lady who did my hair did an amazing job but I personally just didn't like the style of it because it wasn't me but Kellin kept reassuring me, reminding me that it looked great. I'm not sure when exactly when we became so close but my lyrics book had something to do with so I looked back at it to see if I could think why we had this relationship between us which I didn't even know was there.

I took the book in my hands and stared at it for a moment before flipping through the pages to land on a song I had written when I was probably around six but because of my loss of memory I don't remember actually writing it. I laughed slightly at how childish and how meaningless the words were but I was only a kid so what did I expect? I think I was writing about wanting to be a singer which made me wonder, where do I recognize that meaning from? I had written another song like that, about reaching my dreams and having no one and nothing distracting me, not letting my younger self down as cliché as it was. I flicked through the book again and found the song I wanted. I went back and forth between the songs and realized just how similar they are. The lyrics were practically the same but the words were only more mature. This was the song Kellin was reading when he said 'Just like how they used to be' meaning he knew about the other song from my past. I was left with one thought..

Who is he?

I heard someone knock at the door interrupting my thoughts as ran to see who it was. Jenna had come to make sure I was prepared for the assembly, lucky I had been practicing. She practically invited herself in and for some unknown reason it made me laugh at just how relaxed and comfortable she was. She dumped her bag on the ground near to the area where my guitar was and also a small piano. She smiled at me whilst she slid onto a nearby seat, rummaging through papers on top of the table I placed my sheet music and lyrics on.

"Hold On Till May, huh?" she spoke softly to me, smiling at the sheet of paper in front of her, "I've wanted to hear you play this for a long time now, ever since you said your first word about it. I know it's your best one yet so I'm going to hear it now, right?" Her eyes were pleading and I could see just how desperate she actually was to hear the song. My first instincts would normally be to snatch the paper away from her and tell her to stop dreaming but I felt different in that moment as I moved to the microphone stand and cupped my hands around the mic.

"Just once, ok?" I said, making sure she understood that when I said 'Just once' I meant 'Just Once'. She nodded and got her fingers in the right position on the keys. She found the chord and the song began.

As always when I sang, I let the music consume me and take me away to a place where it was only me and my emotions. I let everything out including the incident from a couple nights ago, the beatings my parents gave me, the confusion with Kellin and the depression I was locked away in. It was all in those three minutes where I just sang and that's all my world was. This was my own little universe which I wanted to live in 24/7 but that was never reality.