Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 10 ~ The Walk

I woke up again to one of my constant, repetitive dreams. Last night I dreamt of the boy again but this time he mentioned a Hawk which was the same one as the nostalgic bird in my drawing. I had been dreaming of running away with him but I couldn't remember who 'he' was. I scrambled out of bed and at the same time looked at the drawings that I had stuck on my right wall. They were all similar in the way that they each represented something important to me. I didn't think I'd be able to count the amount of portraits of band members there were though. Once I was up on my feet I walked over to get my journal which no one knew about. I had been writing in there as regularly as I did in my lyrics book except I had only started this about a month before when the dreams had started to appear. Every night it was like a new episode so when I woke up in the morning I would immediately grab my journal and scribble down the events in my dreams. I sat down on my black, swivel chair and read through it before writing in what occurred in my mind last night. None of them were random in the slightest, each and every single one linked together in a story.

"A story..," I muttered, "What if I made a story out of this? No one would ever read it but I would.." I said to myself. I didn't care if either of my parents were at the door listening, thinking about what a helpless child they have. I felt sorry for them really. My gaze drifted towards my clock once I realized that the sun wasn't very bright and the sky was still quite dark. My clock read quarter past five which meant three hours until I had to catch my bus but honestly, that thing I had to ride every morning shouldn't even be on the road. I reached over my desk and found a pen underneath piles of paper, which I wasn't even sure what they read, and started to turn my dreams into something worth while.

***

"Come on, Vic," Jenna pleaded me, "This is our last year. You know you have to perform on the day but you're just lacking the self confidence which I'm going to help you gain back and you're not going to object. The only way that you're going to be able to go out there and sing in front of about three hundred people is if you can sing for just me first." We were alone in the small extended area of the music room as it was lunch break. Jenna planned on building back up my self esteem so that I'd give the best performance possible and hopefully without breaking down into tears. She had already found videos of past singers who had taken part in their leavers assembly and was urging me on by trying to convince me that I'd be better than any of them, that I'd leave everyone speechless. I tried my hardest to believe her but I found it really hard. Although Jenna had always been like that, always been the kindest person on earth she still had her way of being determined. I had known Jenna for as long as my memories served but they didn't go back very far.

"Jenna, I told you. I can't, I've tried but I can't get the strength to do it." I wasn't entirely sure what emotions I saw trace her eyes but they were there. Though I knew that I didn't have to worry what they were when she slowly stepped forward and placed her hand gently on the side of my arm, comforting me. I flinched when she made contact with me as it had become natural for me to do the moment when someone lay a finger on me whether I trusted them or not. I trusted Jenna with my life and yet I couldn't stop from almost pulling away. I looked into her eyes. Jenna was extremely beautiful, especially her eyes because they were so bright and stunning. She had full lips and natural hair colour which perfectly matched her shade of skin. Every day she applied just the right amount of make up which no one could do better. Compared to her all the other girls were very dull so I guess they were jealous and picked on her. I don't blame them for being jealous, if I were a girl I'd be too although Jenna was such an amazing friend that the jealousy would never in a million years effect our friendship.

"And I'm telling you that you can," She said in a soothing voice which I recognized well, "Here." She lead me to where the guitars were and slowly pulled out a seat for me. Jenna gestured me to sit down which I did after a moment's hesitation.

"All you have to do now is sing and play, just for me. No one else." She reassured me and I knew that there was no one I trusted more than Jenna so I took a deep breath and began to strum a couple strings. It took a moment for me to get started but once I did, I wouldn't let myself stop after the music engulfed me in it's world. I played the intro and began the first verse.

'This is the start of a story where I convince you not to hate me..'

I quietly sang, planning to save my voice for the climax near the end of the song.

'I'll start by saying I'm sorry as I'm not the one you want me to be, I'm me..'

The lyrics rolled off the end of my tongue as I let the emotions escape my mouth. I saw out of the corner of my eye Jenna trying to bite back a few tears because I knew that she understood every single word because of all the times I would open up to her and let her in.

'Can you hear the sound of no pulse...?'

These lyrics made me shudder slightly as I thought of what I truly meant by them.

'I tried to cut off my emotions but my emotions cut off me...'

One of my favourite lines. I continued to sing, eventually forgetting that Jenna was even in the room with me until I played the final chord and Jenna all of a sudden had her arms wrapped around me and I realized there was a tear trying to escape from the corner of my eye and I let it. We sat there for a moment until we heard the bell go and it was time to leave the music behind.

***

When I arrived back home I returned to find a note on the kitchen table.

'Gone out. Be back tomorrow.'

That's all it said. Neither of my parents wanted to inform me where they had gone, what time of the day they were planning on coming "home", why they had to leave or anything like that. They couldn't even make it sound like they were writing to their own son by putting even a single kiss. To be honest, I was surprised that they even left a note. I dropped my bag, spun on my heels and instantly made my way back out the door to get myself some fresh air. My headphones were still plugged in, making me completely oblivious to my surroundings. That is, all my surroundings apart from the boy sitting on the swing on his own in the empty park I had just walked into. Kellin looked up, noticed me and smiled whilst waving. He also had his headphones in so it made me wonder what sort of music does he actually like? I strolled over, nervous by the thought of being alone with him but I wasn't quite sure why but I knew that I always felt that way around him. Once I reached him I sat down on the vacant swing beside him.

"Hey," was all he could manage to say at first. The silence gradually became more awkward by the second until he decided to say something.

"I was kind of hoping I could talk to you about the lyrics, there was some pretty deep stuff in there.' He said looking me in the eye. At that moment I wanted to get up and leave. I couldn't explain to him what those lyrics were about, he'd judge me and that would be it. I gripped my necklace again, hoping that for some reason something would happen to distract him, avoiding me having to answer his upcoming questions. I saw that he smiled when he saw the necklace I was wearing or at least I think that's why he smiled.

He sighed, "come on." He grabbed my hand gently and lead me away from the park and down a path surrounded by beautiful blossom. I knew my home village better than I knew Kellin and yet I was afraid to let go of his hand in case if I had let go I would've gotten lost. We carried on walking while he spoke up.

"So what are they about?" He questioned. I stopped, still clinging onto his hand, and had to think for an answer. I couldn't tell him the truth so I pretended I didn't one.