Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 29 ~ The Tears

I walked back home with thoughts of Mike filling my head. I held a picture of him which Max had given me but I think the tear drops that had fallen on the photograph ruined it a little. I wished that I could've at least have been able to remember something about Mike but it just wasn't possible for me.

I entered the house knowing that Kellin wouldn't be back until late so I walked over to Kellin's guitar and picked it up, preparing myself to play it. I had been working on a song which I hoped I'd be able to sing to Kellin so when he sang something for me I was taken aback but obviously in a good way. The song killed me, it was beautiful. I sat down and began to practice it, scribbling out lyrics and replacing them with new ones as I went along.

'As we wake up in your room
your face is the first thing I see
The first time I've seen love
And the last I'll ever need

You remind him
That your future will be nothing without him
Never lose him
I'm afraid
Better think of something good to say

But it's all been done more than once
So I'll keep on trying
Oh, God don't let me be the only one who says

No, at the tops of our lungs there's no
No, no such thing as too young.
Second chances they won't leave us alone'Cause there's faith in love

He was always the oneI'll repeat it again, the one
No such thing as too young
Red lights flashing on the car we're kissing in
Call me crazy I've always had to remind him
That the future's just a few heart beats away
From disaster
I'm afraid that I've thrown it all awayNo, at the top of our lungs there's
No, no such thing as too young.
Second chances won't leave you alone..'

I stopped as I reached the point of the song I had gotten to because I hadn't finished it yet but what really made me stop was the sound of someone crying behind me. I quickly spun my head round and saw Kellin leaning against the door frame with his face in his hands, sobbing hard. I hurridly but carefully placed down his guitar then rushed over to him and cupped his face in my hands trying to calm him down but the tears just kept flowing. He might have heard my song but I doubt it would've gotten him this emotional. He wouldn't speak so I had no idea of guessing what was wrong but that was until I noticed that his cheek was bruising and he winced when I accidently touched his stomach. I just hugged him but not too tight, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him more.

"I'm sorry, Vic, I'm so so sorry," he repeated over and over again in my ear but I just tried to shh him.

"Kellin, you have nothing to apologise for. This isn't your fault," I reasurred him but he shook his head harshly.

"I know but I deserved it.. I.. I deserve it, Vic!" The sobbing was getting louder but then it looked like something clicked in his head and he managed to somehow calm himself and look at me with wide eyes.

"Was that song about me?" He whispered and I nodded, smiling. This wasn't the way I wanted him to hear it but at least now he knew for sure how I felt about him. All it did was make him cry more as he collapsed to the ground onto his knees and cried into his hands again.

"It's beautiful.. Thank you.. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry," he cried out in between sobs. I was on the verge of panicking because I didn't know what was going on in his head. There was only one thing I could think of.

"Kellin, have you been drinking?" I asked seriously but I became even more confused when he shook his head. What the hell was going on? All I could do was hug him and try to comfort him although it felt strange because normally he would be the one craddling me. He kept repeating that he was sorry, making me think about how the last thing I'd hear before I fell asleep next to him was him apologising. At first I thought I was just imaging it because I was tired but it kept happening and the look I saw from him this morning proved that something was wrong. I don't know how long we sat there for but I decided to take action. I sat him down on the sofa and he immediately took a cushion and hugged it, crying into it.

I walked into the kitchen and took out the first aid kit from in one of the cupboards and walked back over to him. I tried again to calm him down as I removed his shirt and started putting stuff on his wounds to try and help him. At first he pushed me away but eventually he stopped fighting and let me do it. After a little while longer his breathing pattern returned to normal and he started to calm down.

"Kellin, are you OK to talk now?" I asked gently, rubbing his arm to try and be comforting but I didn't really know how considering I was the one who normally recieved the comfort and support. He seemed to somehow choke on air but more likely the tears he was holding back before nodding.

"Kellin, tell me. What's going on?" I asked again, edging closer to him. He had never cried this much before and whatever it was about I was worrying and becoming more and more anxious to find out what his answer was. If it was because he had been beaten up again then the dicks who did this to him will never live to see the light of another day, I don't care how small and scared I am. I'll take them on for him but then again, I was their original target. It didn't match up with the fact that he cried more and almost started screaming when I told him the song I wrote was about him. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Vic, I have to leave you."

My heart stopped. Everything stopped. He couldn't be serious. Of course, he was serious. I was so confused. He couldn't just drop me like I was nothing but I can't be nothing, he was crying too much over this for me to mean nothing to him. Tears were surfacing before I even knew they were there. I was just so confused.

"What?" was all I could manage to say in the states we were in.

"I can't.. I can't do it anymore, Vic! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he was crying uncontrollably again.

"What do you mean you can't do it anymore?" I said barely audible.

"This. Us. I can't take it anymore, I'm not able to put up with the beatings. It's too much! I'm sorry, Vic. I couldn't protect you but now I can't even defend for myself. I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry," he said and went to go put his shirt back on but I stopped him because I knew once he did it, he'd leave. I knew all along it was my fault, he was getting beaten up because of me. This was all my fault, I've hurt him.

"Please, Kellin, don't leave me. We can move somewhere else, they'll leave us alone eventually, it'll stop soon, we can get through this, Kellin! Please! I'm sorry I've brought this upon you but I can't live without you," I said, my cries soon becoming louder than Kellin's.

"I know you think it's your fault and I curse myself for thinking the same but.." he trailed off. I knew it was my fault and I was blaming myself but suddenly my attitude changed, hearing him say it hurt a whole lot more.

"Please," I muttered, "Don't take this out on me. You're the only thing that's keeping me alive," I said and at that line both of us broke down all over again except Kellin's shirt was on and he was heading towards the door. I didn't have the strength to stop him. He opened it and stepped out but looked back at me first.

"I love you, Vic."

I never thought the first time I'd hear him say he loves me would be the time he leaves me and it was the last thing I ever heard him say.

The tears wouldn't stop flowing, eventually I was screaming at the heartache. I clutched the clothing over my heart but nothing would stop the pain. It felt like eternity that I was there, just crying but by the end I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I just curled up in a ball and let myself have my last of my repetitve dreams.