Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 5 ~ The Boy

Today. I would get it back today. I knew that I'd have to wait until the end of the day to retrieve my lyrics but I went at least twelve hours the night before so I knew I couldn't die anymore on the inside. I didn't have much life left in me to be killed off anyway. That was unless somebody could save me but I'm not living in a movie. Every morning my fingers traced the area where my tattoo is and I recited the words in my mind to remind myself of who I am..

'They are not real but I can't excuse the fakes. I can't remember anymore so the future becomes my past.'

It's written in italics in a beautiful font. My tattoo expresses the words that won't escape my lips although no one can understand the meaning anyway, besides the school rules insist that I keep it covered. Actually they had to reinvent the rules because they didn't expect any students to have tattoos, the dress code was only enforced when my body's artwork was discovered. So I pulled on a plain black top with the name of one of my favourite bands written across where my chest is. I laughed at the top. Nothing could ever express my love for this band, their music had saved me more times than I could ever imagine to count. Along with my top I added ripped skinny jeans and a chained necklace, my shoulder length hair draped across my face. Once I finished dressing myself, which never takes long, I slowly made my way to the mirror in my bathroom and I don't know if I wanted to look at my reflection for a particular reason or if I was just curious. All I knew is that I would hate the appearance of whoever it was staring back at me. I looked at him. At me. That boy in the mirror, that's me. That boy with a small flat nose that increases in size when he smiles his distasteful smile is me. That boy with the strange full bottom lip and invisible top lip. That boy who cries himself to sleep, that's me too. The boy whose invisible to everyone and opens up to people who he can only try to trust. That boy who has no worth, he's me aswell. This boy. This is Vic Fuentes.

And I hate him.

***

When I arrived at school it was no different to any other day. I can't say I hate school because I prefer it to being at 'home' even though I'm failing my studies at the moment. The friends I have are the people that I need. The people that I need may not need me though and that realisation always hits me at inappropriate moments when I'm probably laughing and enjoying myself with one of them. It hurts me because I know those moments won't last forever. They might not even stay with me forever like my other memories which don't even belong to me anymore. Jenna sat across me and smiled at me in a reassuring way. I never realised how much she understood me and how well she could see through my mask which is why I love her so much and I never want her to become a memory or at least a memory to be lost. I took my usual seat next to Jaime and I could see him already laughing about something that Tony had said. Tay, who sat the other side of him, just smiled as she watched Jaime display his happiness he felt when he laughed his contagious laugh. I can never lose him either. Every second, even when I'm at my brightest, I'll still have an evil depressing thought lingering in the back of my mind which I always fight to supress but my demons are always the victors. My mind is a place that no one wants to visit but yet I live in it so I can't help but always wonder what goes through other people's minds, whether what's inside their head could create nightmares just like mine or not. My thoughts consumed me and before I realised anything form was over and period one was just about to begin.

Maths annoyingly enough was our first lesson and being the dumbass that I am I never seemed to be able to ever pass any tests that were assigned to us. Jenna was fortunately in the same set as me and so being the 'rebels' that we are we swapped seats and managed to sit next to each other unnoticed. I may be repeating myself but honestly I love this girl so much it's unreal because of her taste in music. Her favourite band being is the same as mine which makes her pretty amazing. Which made me want to be in Music so much more at the time.

"Look at him. Look at his clothes. He's such a fag," Oli commented, laughing at me again. I swear Maths was always a quick trip to hell for me. He'd always be there waiting for an opportunity to put me down and make me realise that I'm a failure. Jokes on him because I realised that years ago.

"Just hang in there and ignore him. Everyone knows he's just jealous because he can't even dream of looking the way you do." Jenna said. I smiled because I knew that there was no way of me ever getting hurt with her around me.

"Yeah. I'd never dream of that because it'd be a nightmare. God, how I would hate to wake up in the morning and look like that." Yup. Anyone can rely on Oli to come up with a horrid comment like that as a comeback.

"Uh huh." And there's his little stupid, ignorant phsychic Josh. How I hate them.

"Please just shut up!" I said trying to sound braver than what I am. A lot braver than what I am.

"Just leave him alone, will you?" Gabe said and I was surprised to actually hear him stick up for me but I smirked when I realised that he was eyeing Jenna obviously trying to get her attention by being nice to her best friend. What kind of plan is that?

***

"Vic! Have you got your lyric book back yet?" Jaime said once he caught my attention from across the crowded playground. He was waving frantically which made me slightly suspicious.

"No? I'm getting it before we leave to get on our buses?" I said looking confused because I knew that he knew that I knew that I was getting it later.

He quietly laughed, "Check your bag."

"What kind of magic trick is this?" Said Jenna who then tried not to laugh at her own joke but seriously, she has to get out of that habit. I reached into my bag and dug around for a bit. I didn't know what to expect because I was certain that I wouldn't find it and yet.. the first thing I pulled out of my bag was my lyrics book not damaged at all. I don't know why I though it would be though.

"What the hell? How did..?" My voice trailed off as I smiled completely confused and bewildered as to how my book had found it's way back into my bag. At that point I looked up to see him walk past, smiling at me as if he had achieved something. Kellin.