Please Be My New Memories | Kellic

Chapter 30 ~ The Treehouse

Warning: Could be triggering.

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I woke up barely able to open my eyes due to how swolen they were. At first I was confused as to why I had been crying but then I remembered. The person that's kept me alive has left me alone. Kellin just walked out. I was half expecting him to be laying asleep on the sofa because he might've felt bad and returned to me but no, he's gone and I didn't believe he'd ever come back for me.

I didn't see what the point was anymore without Kellin, he had finally brought that happiness into my life that I craved but he so easily took it away again, leaving me stranded with no hope. Kellin was everything in my eyes, I couldn't have done most of what I've done without him. He got my life back on track but now I've fallen again.

He convinced me that I was worth something, that I didn't deserve all the abuse I got but of course I deserved it, I brought it all down on Kellin and he ended up getting hit too and it was my fault. How could I not deserve it? Every single flaw and imperfection I had I began thinking about and Kellin wasn't there to push the bad thoughts away and tell me they're not true.

I somehow managed to shakily stand up and walk up stairs into Kellin's bedroom looking for my silver friend. I had given them to him but I didn't know if he'd thrown them away or not but even if he had, I'd find a substitute. From the amount of pain I was feeling, nothing would stop me form harming myself. I searched his room, tearing it almost to pieces but eventually found them under his bed, directly in the middle so that it was hard to reach and had countless pieces of usless items hiding the little box they were in. I pulled out the little box and took one of Kellin's rucksacks, placing the small box inside and slinging it on my back.

I solemnly made my way back down the stairs and grabbed my book of dreams and my lyrics book along with a box of matches, double checking the blades and making sure that they were definitely in the bag. I walked through the small town we lived in with tears spilling down my face, I didn't even care about the looks people gave me. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I reached Jenna's name and tried to ring her but of course it went straight to voice mail.

"Hi Jenna," I began trying to not sound like I was crying but it was mere impossible, "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for anthing I've done wrong in the past and that I'm even more sorry for what I'm about to do but I'm so grateful that you've been in my life and I love you so much, thank you, Jenna."

I put the phone back in pocket after smiling to myself at her contact picture. It was the day of her birthday last year, a group of us had gone out for the day to a theme park and she held cotton candy in her hands but held it infront of her face so that it looked like some sort of moustache. I laughed lightly at the memeory but it didn't stop the tears from continuing to flow.

I walked past Max's house and stopped in front of it, just looking at it. Max was probably in there but I didn't need to see him just to have him stop me, I've made up my mind. I continued walking then ended up near the cemetery and I glanced over at my mum and Mike's graves.

"I'll be seeing you soon," I whispered and continued walking.

My energy seemed to have drained because I was a lot more than just exhausted once I reached mine and Kellin's treehouse. I slowly climbed up the ladder, my arms all of a sudden weak but managed to haul myself up and soon enough was inside the treehouse. I sat down at the piano, putting down the head board so that I could rest Kellin's rucksack on it. I pulled out the two books, matches and the blades. I took the blades and didn't hesitate in slicing through my skin. I did it again and again making them deeper and deeper, trying to cover as much skin as possible. It hurt but the pain was better than what I felt when Kellin walked out of my life. I dropped the blade and looked at the blood everywhere, it had never been this bad before.

Blood. So much blood. And it was all mine.

I never liked the sight of blood much so I was close to panicking but I quickly composed myself when I remembered that this is what I wanted. I wanted this pain so the other pain would end. I got out a pen and opened up the book which held my dreams and placed it in front of me, ready to write down the last one that I had last night. Before I did it though I set the pen down and grabbed my lyrics book. The book that got Kellin and I started again. I lit a match and set the book on fire, throwing it behind me so that the whole treehouse would light up with me inside it. The treehouse was quickly enveloped in flames and I was loosing a lot of blood. I took the pen in my hand again and started writing but didn't know if I'd be able to finish as I felt my life slipping away and I knew I'd soon be gone..

'I'm no longer sitting. I'm no longer staring. I'm no longer singing.

I know why I've stopped doing this but he's still here with me.

He's no longer siting. He's no longer staring. He's no longer singing.

He's walking away from me and out of my life for good.

Kellin.'

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Well, that's the end! Thank you for reading this complete and utter poop, lmao. I really do appreciate it though so thank you very much. I have another Kellic called 'Hold Me Close' so if you'd like to read that then I'd be extremely grateful. I can assure you it's a whole lot better than whatever this was. 

Again, thank you. 

~ Amu