Crash || Luke Hemmings

20. oh the memories

*Luke's POV*

"How's she doing?"  I questioned as I placed a cup of coffee on the table in front of me and handed one to the person sitting across from me.  I tried to look around the small outdoor area we were sitting in at the cafe, but finally I caved and made eye contact.  I hadn't wanted to because I could tell my eyes were dark and gloomy: something I didn't want to show anyone.

"Stephen has been acting a little weird towards her.  More harsh I guess which is shocking.  I don't know how to ask her about it or anything so I don't say much."  Savannah answers honestly, which I'm glad she did but suddenly I become worried.  What was happening?

"What do you mean?  What's he doing to her?"  I answered immediately and Savannah held her hands up innocently before chuckling nervously.

"Calm down, Hemmings.  They've just been getting in more fights.  That's all, which is normal for couples especially engaged couples.  She's fine.  Really.  Luna is fine."  Engaged couples are usually happier not fighting more so her words didn't bring me any peace and I was still worried about her.  "Why haven't you been hanging out with us?  I haven't seen you in forever."

A pit formed in my stomach and I tried to hide the dissapointment on my face.

"I've been busy lately.  The boys and I are trying to make a somewhat official album so I've been working on songs.  Plus, the wedding is coming up soon so I've been working on the playlist for that."  She didn't look convinced but nodded anyways.  I gave an unconvincing smile and took a sip of my coffee.

"Well, I'm going to head off.  I have too much shit to do today.  Make some time to hang out with us soon, Hemmo."

"I will."  Lie.  I smiled at her and she waved as she exited the outdoor area and walked down the street. 

I shivered slightly as the wind blew and the clouds covered the sun.  I wondered if Luna was listening to my songs or some other song we used to listen to together.  I wondered if she was happy with him.  If they were together right at this moment, laughing and having fun together.  Or if they're in another fight and she feels alone.  I wondered about her as I always seemed to do.

After some time, more clouds rolling by, and a 'do you need anything' from the waiter, I decided it was time to get up.  I went around the corner of the cafe and hopped into my car and sat there with the keys in the ignition before doing anything.  I looked at the passenger seat next to me and remembered all the times Luna had sat there.  Even though it was my car she would always control the radio and turn it up super loud when one of her favorite songs would come on and sing (scream) at the top of her lungs.  She would roll down the window and stick her head out like a dog.  She would look over me and just laugh.  Just the thought of it brought a smile to my face.

And then I remembered: that was the past.  Things are different now.

I began driving without a specific end.  Just a drive to clear my head.  But then I was making turns without even knowing, obviously having a destination in mind.  Luna's parent's house suddenly appeared before my eyes and I had to pull over.  I banged my fists against the wheel and leaned my head against the window.  I remembered the short moment we had together before she left.

"I gotta go, have a nice life."  Her sweet, sweet voice is constantly repeating this over and over again and an image of her crying is etched in my brain.  I don't know how she ever expected me to have a nice life when she wasn't in it.  I shouldn't still be bitter about her leaving but I am.  How could she have just left like that?  Everything would have been so much different if she would have stayed.  Sure, she was scared but I was too.  Everything would have been so much better.

"I'll never leave you as long as you never leave me."  I remember telling her once when we were younger but obviously what we tell each other doesn't mean anything.  Why would it?  We hide what we're feeling, lie about it, and break promises.  Our friendship sucked I guess.  It never meant anything to her.

I decided I needed to shut up the voices in my head so I began to drive back to my apartment.  I knew the rest of the boys would be there and they're good about getting my mind off of things.  As I was driving, I passed the high school we went to.  I saw the football field in the distance and smiled at the next memory that popped in my head.  It was during our senior year and we were bored out of our minds.  It was just the two of us because everyone else was busy or too lazy to come out of their houses.  Luna had the bright idea of sneaking a bottle of vodka out of my house and walking to the football field.  So, there we sat on the cold, metal bleachers at 2:32 am with a bottle of vodka in our hands and constant smile plastered on our faces.  We played truth or dare, well, as much as you can with two people and ended up asking each other dumb questions about conspiracy theories and the year 3000.  And when we decided it was cold and late enough for us to go home, we stumbled our way back to my house and plopped down on my matress.

"I'm so glad we're best friends."  She had said in high-pitched voice with her eyes closed.  Obviously she had drank a lot more of the bottle than I had.  I had been buzzed but she seemed full on drunk. "And I'm also glad we kiss because you're good at that.  Really good at that."  I had chuckled to myself and taken off my shirt, wiggling my way under the covers.  She had followed my lead and crawlen under the covers as well, but moved closer to my body.  She had pressed a sloppy kiss to my lips and then laid her head on my chest.  Within no time at all she had fallen asleep and I could feel her breathing against my body.  At least one of us had fallen asleep easily that night because it sure as hell wasn't me.

I could practically feel her lips pressed against mine like she had done in her apartment when we kissed for the last time.  It was insane how I could still feel the shape of her lips, the taste of mint gum in her mouth, and the feelings of butterflies in my chest and stomach.  It was all so real, so unfortunately real.

I finally made it to the apartment in one piece, physically.  But mentally I was falling apart, piece by piece.  Memory by memory.  I parked the car and before I realized, I was opening the door to our apartment.  I walked into my room without seeing anyone, thankfully.  I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity.

What if I could go back to the night that I told her I loved her and make her stay?  I should have talked her through it all and told her that she didn't have a reason to be scared.  I shouldn't have been offended and said things I didn't mean.  I shoudn't have let her leave.

I wish I could forget everything.  Maybe it would be easier that way.  Anything would be easier than this.  I wish I could curl up in a ball in this bed and wake up with her in my arms.  Like everything was just a big dream.  How was she okay with everything; how was she fine?  I questioned with my head in my hands.  I had no idea how she was because I sure as hell wasn't.  I slowly sat up off my bed and decided to find the boys.  I found them back by the tv and they all watched me as I walked into the room, saying nothing.

"I think I have a song we can write."

*authors note*

updated early bc of the wonderful comments from onedirections-fringe and ShayneSim you guys rock and made me wanna update (& thanks for the people who voted too)

i have no idea if any of this made sense at all but basically it shows lukes pov and that hes a mess and shit and going through the nostaglia point but hes kinda pissed off at luna sometimes because everything could be better but its not idk

if you have any questions ask here

comment vote read recommend yay thanks