the reason | 13rw

s i x t y - t h r e e

two weeks later and i stood in the church, staring down at the casket. i saw the lifeless body as a tear ran down my face. i was angry, i was sad, i was worried and i was hurt. after weeks of not feeling any emotion, i felt almost all of them at once. 

"hey kiddo," i heard my dads weak voice as he stood next to me. 

"it doesn't even look like her dad." i said quietly as i looked at my hands. "are we even sure that it's mom?"

he let an exhale before turning to me. he lifted my chin. 

"i love you nicolette," he said. "she did too." 

"i know." i cried. 

he pulled me into a hug as i wrapped my arms around him, crying into his chest. we stood there for a minute before i heard a familiar voice. 

"dad," they said as we both looked over. i saw my brother standing with his hands in his slack pockets. 

elliot hadn't been able to come due to classes and baseball, plus we all needed our seperate grieveing time. 

"elliot," i choked out. 

he walked over and hugged me tight. i felt my dads arms wrap around us both. 

"we're going to be okay." my dad whispered. "i swear on it." 

....

after the funeral and the burial, most of everyone split, they all went back to my house. i didn't want to leave her though. so i sat down at the end of her grave. 

"i always thought people who talked to graves were weird." i said softly. "but now i think they understand. "i didn't even get to see you. dad wants to sue the state of florida and the airline. i just want you back. we never had the relationship i wanted but we had one that's better than most. i'm thankful for that and i'm thankful for you. i'm thankful for dad and elliot. i just...it sucks." 

i fell quiet, staring at her headstone. 

"loving mother, wife and lover of the world," is what we'd gotten engraved on it. 

i let out a sigh and looked down. 

"you know, when i found out. i had a seizure and i woke up, thinking it was a dream. i woke up in a hospital, in monty's arms." i paused. "i'm so thankful for that boy. i've pulled him through hell and back but he's stayed. sometimes i think he'd be better off with out me. he's just so good to me. i just love him." 

"he loves you too." i heard behind me, causing me to jump. i looked over and saw monty. 

he was standing there, he had his letterman in his arms. 

"what are you doing here?" i asked. 

"i never left." he shook his head. "i went back to my jeep to get my jacket and wanted to give you a couple minutes. it's getting cold babe."

him saying this had made me conscious of the cold air and slight wind pushing. i smiled softly as he walked over. he wrapped the jacket around me as he squatted next to me. 

"thank you montgomery." i told him. 

"we should get back to your house, you need something to eat and some rest." he told me, pushing hair from my face. 

i nodded and grabbed his hands. he stood, pulling me up too. i brushed off my butt and hugged him. he kissed my head, wrapping his arms around me. 

"i love you princess." 

"i love you too." i replied. 

....

when monty and i got back to my house, they had soft music playing. everyone, mostly family was spread throughout the downstairs, talking and catching up.