In Your Dreams

Has anyone ever written anything for you?

TRIGGER WARNING:  eating disorders, sexual assault, self harm and depression.

Stevie stands up, gets some animal crackers and sits back. "Now I'm ready. You can start.." She holds my hand and squeezes it.
"I always suffered bullying in elementary school because of my nose, which made me wish for plastic surgery since I was super young... but everything got worst in middle school. I was in the volleyball team, and I had to still find time to my ballet classes, too. It was hard to have all these extra curricular activities, but I really enjoyed it." I look at her and keep talking "I really wanted a solo in our Christmas performance, so I decided to lose weight, which meant that I started to starve myself... it was hard in the begging, but once your body is used to it, it's super easy... I would also stay for extra volleyball lessons, and one day, I was taking a shower when I heard the door open. I asked if  anyone was there, but the person just kept walking... it was my coach. He had a hand inside his pants, and  the other one holding my clothes. I tried to run, I tried to yell. But he was such a strong guy." I take a breathe and look at her. I can see that she is fighting the tears. And I hate myself for making her cry. "After he was done, he just left me there. I was bleeding and felt so dirty that I started to scrub my arms super hard, and my nails made it bleed. There was when I realized that the pain I was feeling outside made the pain inside less horrible." I look down to my wrists and I can hear a sob.
"Did you ever told anyone? I'm sorry that it happened to you sweetie!" She doesn't hide that she is crying.
"No one found out until almost a year later. I was holding all the pain inside, I felt like I had to... I did not want to make my parents go through that, so I was still the perfect girl. Perfect grades, great dancer, great actress and a really good volleyball player. I started to wrap my wrists before playing, learned how to hide scars with makeup, and lost 30 pounds... I looked perfect on the outside, but dead in the inside." I take a break and steal one of her animal crackers, trying to pretend that we were just talking about any other random story about my life. "Our fall performance the next year was just around the corner, and I had the best part... but I wasn't eating for days in a roll, so I passed out during one rehearsal and that's when everything fell apart! My parents found out about everything, and when they asked the reason why, I told them about the time I was raped. It broke them, it almost ruined my family... I almost ruined my family"  I start to cry and she doesn't say anything, just hugs me tight and brushes my hair with her fingers. " During my rehab process, your music was always with me. I felt like you were there with me... you saved me. I kept saying to myself ' if Stevie survived klonopin, I can survive this shit.' And I did, for a while everything was perfect, but I had to quit dancing, and when I went to play a volleyball game I had a panic attack. 3 months after that, I had to testify against the coach, and his smile triggered me, so I started to cut myself again... more carefully this time, so no one would find out. I don't do it as often as I used to, but some days I feel like I have to. Especially when I'm super anxious or claustrophobic." I finish and stand up, with a sheet around my body, and change into the nightgown that Karen brought me. Stevie is still staring at her nails when I lay down... she does not know what to say, and I'm used to people having that reaction when I tell them. So I just move the bag of animal crackers to the nightstand and turn around, laying on my side so I don't stare at her...
"What is your favorite song?" I shuffle in the bed, and turn to face her. She has a blank expression on her face and her voice sounds so dark that it scares me.
" 'Has anyone ever written anything for you' is my favorite song... it made so much sense and I could relate to it during the darkest hours. Thank you for writing and sharing it with the world." I sit up and lean to kiss her forehead, grouching in pain when I stretch my wrist.  Her eyes look full of pain and worries when she stares at me, and helps me to lay down again, this time facing her, I feel ashamed for needing help even after that.  "I'm so sorry I ruined your day off. I wasn't planning on it to happen... I promise I'll not be here tomorrow when you wake up. Yes, I did my research through the years, and I know you sleep in almost every day." I give her a tired smile, and turn around one more time, so I don't have to see her face. The silence was comfortable, but my heart was racing. I was lying down in a fancy hotel bed, Stevie Nicks was by my side and I just told her my whole creepy/dramatic story... I stop thinking when she moves, lying down too and pulls me closer to her. I AM GONNA DIE!! She strokes my hair and start to sing:
"Has anyone ever written anything for you
In all your darkest hours
Have you ever heard me sing
Listen to me now
You know I'd rather be alone
Than be without you
Don't you know
Has anyone ever given anything to you
In your darkest hours
Did you ever give it back
Well, I have
I have given that to you
If it's all I ever do
This is your song
And the rain comes down
There's no pain and there's no doubt
It was easy to say
I believed in you everyday
If not for me
Then do it for the world..."  I feel my eyes closing, and I just let her words take me to my dreamland, with her arms around me.

GUYS, Thank you all so much for supporting this story. It's the first time that I really talk about my demons in a story and I hope you will still keeping reading it.
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I will try to post 2 chapters.
LOVE YOU.
Don't forget to like and comment.