The Luna's Journey

Chapter 17

Most things in life you can prepare for, you can make plans or at least plan out in your head how you think or want certain things in your life to go. When I decided to challenge Annie for her future Luna title I planned out in my head how I would word everything and handle the situation. I also planned in my head for things that I knew may not go the way I wanted them too, like my journey across country trying to find a mate. I mentally planned and prepared myself for a negative outcome, I didn't want to go into it thinking that it was going to go exactly the way I wanted it too and I would fall in love, living happily ever after. And I'm glad I did because it hadn't turned out how I wanted it too, I think that's why I was able to hold my composure when I was questioned by pack members about how the trip had gone. When we were younger Annie was the planner, but now that we are older and I've gone through a lot of Luna lessons, I like to think that I am now an excellent planner and able to prepare myself for certain situations that may come up.That's how I thought, until this past week. No amount of time, planning, preparing or thought could prepare me for this.

It was drizzling a little bit, the weather matching the somber mood that surrounded the small hole in the ground before us. It's been one week since Lily and Eddie had lost their pup, one of the hardest weeks of their lives, and also hard for the rest of us. Lily still has not spoken but thankfully she has been eating, small, small portions but it's something. We've all taken turns spending time with her, whether it's sitting outside, reading to her, cooking for her, anything we can think of to keep her from staring a hole into the wall. Eddie confided in me that she doesn't sleep, and when she does slip into slumber from pure exhaustion she wakes up screaming from nightmares. What those nightmares are we don't know because she won't talk but we can imagine. My mom has suggested Lily see a therapist, a third party individual not from our pack, but Lily has to speak first before going to a therapist would be beneficial.

Uncle Alf had left to visit the Half Moon pack and left Aunt Lou and I in charge of the funeral, Aunt Lou had thought it would be nice for the eulogy to come from me since Lily and I are close. I agreed with her but as I thought over it this week and as I stood here now I still didn't know what I wanted to say, what do you say in a time like this? There were the normal cliques that were said at funerals, 'he had a good life', 'he went too young', 'he will be greatly missed', none of those were good enough for this situation or the little pup that was now in the ground, a pup that should be in his mother's arms and being showered with love. But life wasn't fair, it didn't always work out the way we wanted it too, if we are honest in most cases it doesn't work out the way we want it too more than it actually working out in our favor. As I looked around the tiny grave, I saw it surrounded by people who loved Lily and Eddie, and their pup. They were a group of people that would have banded together in time of need, like right now, it was then that I realized something. No matter how hard it gets or how unfair life gets you still had family and people that supported you, you were never alone or dealing with a problem alone. I looked around at them again and I knew what I wanted to say, I cleared my throat gaining everyone's attention.

"Life sucks." I said letting out a disgusted chuckle. Lily's eyes widened and she looked up at me, it was the first time she had made eye contact with anyone in a week. I returned her gaze and shrugged my shoulders. "It does, life sucks and is completely unfair sometimes. When bad things happen to us we instantly wonder what we could have possibly done wrong for the goddess to make us suffer through something as awful as this. We blame ourselves, like we could have possibly done something different to make the outcome better but the truth is we can't. When things like this happen there is nothing that we can do or could have done to change it." I stopped, collecting my thoughts and holding Lily's gaze. "I thought about standing up here and giving the normal speech that's given at funerals but you deserve better than that because you're family, and family supports you even if it's hard to hear. I'm not going to tell you the generic things that someone is normally told in these times, I'm going to tell you the truth and that is that life is unfair. It's so unfair sometimes that you just feel like giving up, but you can't, your pup wouldn't want that of you. You were an amazing mom to him, he knew how loved he was by the both of you, he knew how much we all loved him. He wouldn't want you to give up on life and let this defeat you, his mom is strong and fierce, one of the fiercest woman I know." I stopped as I swallowed the lump in my throat, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "Mourn, mourn the loss of your son but don't let this defeat you. You are a wonderful woman, mother, mate, and friend; I know I speak for all of us when I say that we are here for you, to listen, to cry, to laugh, to love. You are so loved, he was so loved. I believe that your pup is looking down on us right now, wondering why all these crazy women that spent months talking to him in the womb are crying and it's because we love you and him. So cry, let it all out but know that we are all here with you and beside you to help you in whatever way you need us."