Hey moon /// Ryden

Chapter 20

Trigger warning

Brendon's POV
I just finished watching Jon play a game of Basketball against some other school. Jon and his team won, which was good. Watching Jon play basketball was something I usually didn't do, but I didn't have anything else do since Spencer was also watching the game. These past few days haven't been so great, I wish Ryan would talk to me. I wish I didn't lash out on him and break up with him. I wish I knew who posted the video, but I guess I'll never know.

I decided to go to my locker to pick some books up, since I had forgotten to take them out earlier. Something had caught my eye, it was a letter for me. That's strange, I usually don't get letters. Curiously, I opened the letter.

Dear Brendon,

When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky.
But now the sky isn't so golden.
I wanted to be loved, but who could love me?
I thought you did, but obviously not.

I remember when you were mine and I was yours.
I remember the times when we would go get slushes,
We were so in love,
But little did I know back then it wouldn't always be that way.
Then again, good things don't last forever, do they?

I'm so sorry, but I just want to let you know that my death isn't you're fault, to be honest I've been thinking about suicide for a long time, so it was bound to happen sooner or later. I just didn't think it would happen this soon though.

They told me I had to go to school to learn something to live, to have a nice life later on. But what use is a fanch car, a big house, a loving family and a good job if you'll finally lose it no matter what? We're all going to die one day, none of us can escape death no matter how hard we try.

The only thing I was taught in school was that I'm a loser and life isn't always the happy future you imagined as a child. That is right; for the first year at high school, I wanted to have friends, to be accepted, be friends with people who don't see you as an outcast. But then I woke up, I realized that the world, I imagined doesn't exist, that it was only a dream that would never come true. I realized more and more of what kind of world I was living in. A world in which money , even in school it is all about money. You needed to have the newest everything to fit in. People would make fun of you if you aren't up to date with everything, they would make fun of you if you weren't straight and dating a hot girl, they would make fun of you if you were really quiet because they would call you weird. I hate those people. No. I hate people. And honestly you don't really need money, or at least I didn't, because our love was enough for me. You were the one who got me through everyday. The only reason I went to school was because just the sight of you made me feel better, when we started dating School got easier to get through.

In my 18 years of life, I experienced that you can only be happy if you follow the popular people in what they do. But I couldn't and I wouldn't! I am free! Nobody is allowed to make actions regarding my life and decisions. It's my life, so I should be able to live it how I want. If I'm gay, bi, whatever then so what, why couldn't everyone just accept me for who I am?

For my entire life my dad would always tell me that being gay was wrong, I remember the first time I told my dad I thought a guy looked hot, and he beat me up and said things that no one should have to hear, especially at such a young age. So I tried to be straight. I have dated many girls in my life but I didn't feel true love, I was just using them as a cover up for my gayness. Which was wrong, I shouldn't of used those girls to hide my gayness and I want to apologise to all those girls for doing that, but it's too late now. Then I decided to call myself bi, but really I wasn't, I was full on gay and I only called myself bi because people might've thought I was still kind of straight. Then I met you, and from that moment on I knew I couldn't force myself to be straight or bi any longer. I only told my friends about me being gay, but word somehow got out and soon everyone knew. That's when the bullying started, at first it was just Brent and Pete calling me names, but as time went on they started beating me up. Pete even tried to get me in bed with him, but luckily he failed. When the sex video that was somehow recorded got released, that was when it fucked our relationship. If it weren't for that video we would still possibly be happy. Whoever posted that was trying to end our relationship. Pete has tried to end our relationship before, but we got through it, somehow we didn't get through it this time.