the inner workings of my mind and soul.

i want you to stay

our world is falling completely and utterly apart, I can feel you beginning to slip away from me. you are becoming blurry and even when I blink I can't clear my vision, I can't see you clearly. I can't see those eyes, I can't see you. I can barely feel you. I can feel my hand sliding down becoming limp and numb. i can't breathe, I can't move.  I feel everything I've ever known begin to slip further and further away. I was not going to get to say goodbye I wasn't going to be able to tell you “I love you” one last time. I keep slipping and then I hear you. you are desperately trying to pull me back. I can feel you trying and I want to tell you not to stop. I want you to win. I want to wake up in your arms. I want you to look at me the way I've only ever seen you look at the stars in the sky and the ocean as it pulls and pushes, closer but further away. I want you to make me laugh until I cry. I want you to let me finish drinking my coffee before you even try to talk to me in the mornings. I want you to hold me while I cry. I want to live, I want to make it back to you. I want my life with you. I want to watch you age, the lines becoming deeper and more defined by each smile, each laugh. I want you to tell me I have horrible taste in music because we don't like the same genres and then play something trying to convince it's better. I want you to tell me I look breathtaking when I feel like I look like a sea creature. I want you to pull me off the couch at random moments to make me be more alive by watching the sunset in your arms, and watch as the stars begin to shine slowly stretching their legs before the send their glimmers of light to us. I want you to practically jump because you saw a shooting star and you don't want me to miss it because you know how I feel about them; how they are always so beautiful to me and they make me smile. so you move everytime one catches your eye because you know I'll smile and pull you closer to me. I want to wake up to you laughing at me because of the odd way I was sleeping. i want to listen to you tell me about your dreams and then ask me to write what comes to mind so you can gush over how much better it is than what you told me to begin with. i want you to tell me not to take a photo because i have a whole album of you in moments where i found you too beautiful not to capture. i shrug and say that i can't help it, you respond by pulling your phone out and snapping like a hundred photos of my laughing and trying to get you to stop. later you will find the best one and that is what i will see when i go to unlock your phone, you make sure i can open it because you want to watch me smile while i remember that night. i have to find a way back to you. i can't leave that, i can't leave you. "i want to wake up now!" i scream into my mind and the pain comes roaring back. i feel everything, i let out a small breath and open my eyes to yours. "i can see you." i whisper while reaching towards you. i feel you smile into my palm. we are both crying "yeah?" you ask.

"yeah." i let out in a giggle between the tears. "yes i can see you. you are right here, i have missed you so much. i felt like you were so far away." i feel the tears as they wash over my cheeks. "oh my love, i never left you. i was right here holding your hand the whole time." you smile and this time it stays. i pull you into a hug and whisper into your shoulder, "thank you for bringing me back."