the inner workings of my mind and soul.

i wanted a goodbye

you did. I know you did. you went back in because you were thinking you could do it. that you could save him that you would be able to pull them out in time and you went back in. you didn't think about yourself and what you could handle you went selflessly into the storm; only thinking that the one left behind must get out. you were so steady. you were always there when I needed you. you were the eye of my storm and now I must brave it without you. I don't think I can but for you I will try. I will try to be brave. I will try to be my own eye in life's storm. I will try for you. because there's no way you would want me to give up. you never wanted me to give up. you were always pressing me to fight harder. to just hold on. for a minute, a hour, a day. you were always so sure that I could. you were so sure that I could hold on and you wouldn't let me give up. that's one of the things I love most about you. you wouldn't let me give up and when life pushed you, when it broke you I took the strength you had given to me and gave it back to you. we took care of each other, we were one another's safe places. we were each other's strength. and now? now that's gone but it's okay that it's gone. because you went the way I know you wanted to. it was painless for you and the whole time you were putting someone else first. you were doing what I've always known you to do you were having someone. for you there was no other way to go and I know that. so my love I am glad for you that you in the end got your wish. so now, now you can leave you can go and you can rest in peace because you have without a question earned it. thank you. thank you for saving me. those were the first words I said to you and they were the last words you heard. I think that is fitting. thank you again and may you have a peaceful existence now my love in the eye of eternities storm." I finish and I'm crying though I didn't realize it. tears are like the freckles I have seen on my cheeks my whole life they are normal now; engraved as if there was no life without them. I step down and walk to my seat. I see you at the end of the aisle, you are golden and smiling, you are peaceful and happy.