My Heart Beats For You // Alice Cullen

24. The Talk Of A Lifetime

Alice and I sit across from each other on the couch, both of us focused on the TV and the episode of FRIENDS that is on.  Something plays on my mind as I sit there and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

Grow a pair.

Gee, Edward, thanks for eavesdropping on my thoughts. I take a deep breath and look at Alice, making her instantly look at me; her dark, almost black eyes, stare deep into mine.

"I..." I try to start but sigh, laying my head back and staring at the ceiling for a moment.

Alice frowns and tilts her head. "Is everything okay?"

"No.." I say simply and look over at her. "We gotta talk."

"Oh... I saw a flash of something like this. I figured it was bound to happen." She sits up and neatly places her hands in her lap. "Fire away."

I stare at her for a moment - do I open the floodgates or do I gradually fill the pot? "How could you leave me so easy?" Wow okay B, straight in there...

Alice sits for a moment, clearly choosing her words wisely. We're already on thin, thin, ice and she doesn't want to tred wrongly. "I've tried to answer that for myself for a while now and the best I can come up with is denial. I... Wasn't prepared for a human as my mate. I loved you to pieces, everything about my life became about you, but you could be taken away from me so-so easy." Her hands move in a jumbled manner as she talks as if she is trying to pull the words out, make them say what she has to say.

"When Edward considered leaving I pushed him to do it. I was adamant I could live apart from you and I was certain it was best for both of us. You would move on and I would live my life." She looks at me for a moment before moving her eyes back to the coffee table. I take a shaky breath as she proceeds. "The pain I felt when I realised what I was doing was unimaginable. I've never felt more human in my existence - I compare it to feeling physically sick. I was sickened to my core that I could leave you there sobbing in the rain and think it was OK..." she whispers and shakes her head. "What I'm trying to say is that it was far from easy. It was a misconceived idea in my head that we didn't have a connection to last. I thought it was a situation that could be resolved with time but the longer we were apart the sicker I felt. I wasn't me anymore." Her eyes meet mine for the first time in a while.

I take a shaky breath and play with my sleeves, not looking away, not breaking eye contact. "You don't understand the pain you caused. Yes, I'm a human, but I'm not something you throw away. You left me like I was nothing - just a toy you grew out of. There was no explanation, no telling of what I'd done wrong or what went wrong... One minute you were there and the next half of me was gone. Our relationship - to me at least - was serious; in a serious, committed relationship you make decisions together."

"I didn't feel like it was a decision for us to make. And it was serious for me too, beyond serious." Alice interrupts.

"But you still left me so easily!" I say a little harder than intended. "The issue here is you always saw me as a weaker half - I was like a child who couldn't make her own choices. I would have chose you, Alice, I would have done anything for you including changing right there and then because you were my everything." Tears fall as I stare at her. "I-I can't even begin to comprehend what made you think that was an okay idea. Just because Edward did it doesn't mean you had to. Just because I was human doesn't mean you had to leave and pretend you didn't exist. Just because we're both women doesn't mean this hurts any less. Women get over Heartbreak or hide it better right, I'm supposed to pretend I'm fine, right? Wrong. You were the one thing good in my life, the one thing that went right and you were so selfish and hurtful Alice."