Too Playa

Real Soon

Avielle POV-

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Dr. Lee got in her usual position next to me in the couch, with her feet up.

"How can I be more vulnerable with sharing my feelings. For some reason that is very hard for me."

"In what capacity?"

"Relationships."

"Well first off have they earned your trust? Because not everybody is deserving of your vulnerability. It is only those that you feel like they have been vulnerable with you, and you know they wouldn't misplace your vulnerability."

"They have." I sighed thinking about how Odell has more than proved he would handle my vulnerabilities with care.

"Then the next question is, why don't you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with them?"

"I don't know. I guess I learned that doing all that is being weak. And if you're weak they can use that to hurt you."

"Has the person ever hurt you?"

"No." I said faintly.

"Avielle in order to have an effective long lasting relationship you have to be vulnerable with your partner. Its like the equivalent of being in a conversation with someone and they use all the time to talk about themselves and never once ask how are you. It's very selfish. And so is not being vulnerable with a partner that is opening up to you."

"I used to write to him my feeling in letters."

"Did you give him these writings?"

"No. I guess that's why I felt comfortable doing it. Knowing he'd never read. And at one point when he did find the box it made me very angry. I felt exposed."

"Are we talking about Odell?" She asked me.

"Yes."

"Hm." She had a look on her face.

"Tell me what made you fall in love with him?" Her look of thought turned into a smile.

"Uh... when I first saw him I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen. Like he was beautiful. In summertime, his skin gets this golden brown, graham cracker like tan. He lightens up a bit in winter. But in summer, his skin is so beautiful and golden. And that struck me. And then once we actually dated he just turned out to treat me amazing. Even when I didn't treat him the same. He was patient with me. He always forgave me. I just want to learn to treat him better." I confessed.

"You can't treat anyone better, until you treat YOU better Avi. How we treat people, mirrors exactly how we treat ourselves. When we are kind and patient to others, it means we are kind and patient to ourselves."

"Hm. Well how do I treat me better?"

"Here's an activity. Every morning you get up look in the mirror and tell yourself what you wish your dad told you. And accept those things without debate. Because I truly feel Avi the adult, has Avi the little girl inside her still looking for her father's love and acceptance."