Too Playa

The Irony

Odell POV-

Dear Odell,

I am writing this letter to tell you I lied. I lied about a lot of things. I'll get into that at another time, but one of my biggest lies was that I terminated my pregnancy.

When I said it, well wrote it because that was in the letter I left you before I left. I said it so you wouldn't feel like you owed me anything. You were doing all this planning and preparing for a wedding and a life, and I felt you were only doing it for Oaklyn.

Yes that's her name. Oaklyn Courtney Beckham. You weren't physically here when I birthed her, but I wanted her to have a piece of you. So I gave her your initials.

Back to what I was saying, I felt if she had not been a part of the picture you probably wouldn't have asked me to marry you and started planning a life with me.

Lets be real, I wasn't exactly your ideal woman. You go to Harvard for Christsakes. You deserve a Michelle Obama. Someone who matches your intellect. Achieved something great. Not some stylist from Parkway.

I lied and left so that I could free you, for the woman you're supposed to have. And I kept Oak I guess, so that even if that woman wasn't me, I would always have a piece of you.

I know nothing about what I said is logical. But its my truth.

Sorry if I caused you any pain.

- Avi

I sighed as I folded the letter Avielle had left on my bed. It had a date of three years ago, which I'm certain was probably when she wrote it.

I'mma be honest. I couldn't understand her to save my life. How does me proposing and preparing a life for you and my child, translate into me only doing it for Oak?

Like its really amazing to me, she could not see how much I loved her. Oak was simply a product of that love. And every decision I made, I had planned to do anyway. Maybe at a different time, but I still planned on doing it.

At this point I'm just tired. Tired of wasting my breath telling someone I loved them, and them not believing. I did that. Two years before Oak came. Even when she didn't say it back. As you can see, she didn't even say I love you in the letter. Or end it with I love you.

I mean, I know Avi has her baggage. And I wish her well. But I just can't anymore. I have to protect my mental headspace and heart. I'm going where the love is. Where in a couple of months, East-Side knew she loved me. Not almost five damn years total of the time its taken Avi.

I hope that by me moving on, Avi learns to treat the next man better. But as for me, I've wiped my hands.

Avielle POV-

"So..." Porsha said with anticipation.

Her kids were with their grandparents and she invited me to her house just to have a chill day, while her husband was at work.

We were on her back patio, drinking these drinks she made.

"Nothing." I sighed.

"A whole week and nothing?" She said surprised.

"Yeah. I haven't even heard from Oak since she's been with him. I feel so stupid Porsha. I don't know why I even gave it to him. He probably didn't even read it. Probably threw it away." I wanted to cry but I had nothing to give.

"Its whatever." I shrugged. "I knew he really didn't love me."

"Okay, before I say this know that I do love you. You know that. We have been through the trenches together. And if you get mad. You get mad. But I have to be honest."

"What is it Porsha? Just spit it out."

"You a bitch gotdammit. You really played this man. Even if it wasn't your intention. And you expect him to pick up where you left off?"

"No, not where we left off. But he could at least acknowledge I'm trying. It is hard for me Porsha. Doing all this is fucking hard and I'm trying. I'm trying." My voice cracked.

"Aww baby I know." She hugged me and laid my head on her shoulder. "You know whats ironic about this situation is, O is Shawn. And you are your dad."

"What you mean?"

"Your dad has probably been writing  for years. Feeling the same way. Hoping you all can see his changed, even though he did all that stuff. And Marshawn is like nope. Ain't no letters and change, gon' make me forgive you."

I lifted my head and looked at her.

"So if you understand Shawn, then you have to understand O."

She was right.

"What do you think will make Marshawn forgive your dad?"

"I don't know. He's a tough cookie to crack. I don't know if he ever will."

"What about you?"

"I don't know. Maybe if I go see him and can see for myself he's changed. Maybe but I don't know."

"I think before you try to get things right with O you should visit your dad. Just once. I will personally go with you. It might help you with dealing with O."

"Yeah. I'll think about it."

"Yes. Do that. And know that I am here."

"Thank you Porsha. It means alot."

"Of course boo. Friends for life." She grabbed me into a bear hug.

——

"Mommy." Oak ran through the door and hugged my legs tight.

"Hey my love." I picked up and kissed her.

O sat her bag on my couch.

"Ladybug daddy about to leave. Gimme kiss."

I let her down and she ran to him and he kissed her.

"O did you get my letter?" I decided to just ask.

"Yup." Was all he said.

"Were you able to read it?"

"No. I've been busy." He said.

"Oh ok."

"Bye ladybug."

"Bye Pop-Pop."

Odell looked at me, then left out.