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May 24, 2173

Ash and I sit down and start eating, "What kind of job do you think you are going to get next month?" I ask him.

"I'm not sure, I don't really care as long as I'm with you." he says smiling and nudging my arm.

"I want. . .something simple but interesting--like working with electronics." I say.

"I hope we are neighbors, that would be awesome."

"Lets just cross our fingers and hope." I say as my mom walks in and places her work bag down.

"Hi, Isabelle!" Ash greets my mom.

"Hello, Ash and Jessamine, how are you guys?" She asks us.

"Good." We answer at the same time then we laugh.

"What did you make, honey?" She asks me.

"I made grilled chicken, with mashed potatoes, and broccoli." I say, then she nods and says thank you while kissing my cheek then helping herself.

"I better get home now thank you for giving me some dinner, Jess." Ash says while ruffling my hair then he leaves.

I want to ask my mom about what I saw in her text book but I can't grasp the courage to say it.

Why is it so hard for me to ask her a question about our family history?

Probably because it would lead to the other question I want to ask, why did he do it?

"Mom can I ask you something?" I ask.

"Sure, what is it?" She asks sounding concerned.

I open my mouth to ask what I want to so badly but I chicken out and say, "Next month, I get my own apartment, and job. Were you nervous about it when you were my age?"

"No I wasn't nervous, there was no reason to be, I trust the Society and their choices that they make for us are going to lead us in the right path." She says smiling and I nod.

I get up and go to my room to get ready for tomorrow, even though its saturday.

It's only 8:03 but I am tired so I lay down in bed and think about life, my thoughts drift towards my dad and how I was only four years old when he left us. I wonder if he would be proud or ashamed of who I am now, I can only hope he would be proud.

The day he called for a divorce was during dinner, he thought I was too young to understand what they were talking about but I understood clearly.

January 17, 2161

I was sitting at the table with my mom, and my dad eating the delicious dinner my mom had just prepared for us.

We were having our favorite, tacos, I have loved them as long as I cold remember

Everything was going well until my parents started fighting again. They fight everyday and I was beginning to worry.

I asked why they fought so much, but my mom would say the same this every time, "We fight because we care about each other, Jessamine. It would not be normal if we didn't fight."

I wanted to argue and disagree with her, I wanted to say, 'You fight too much, I don't think you love each other that much.' I never said it because I was four years old and I didn't know how to say it without hurting her feelings.

After about ten minutes of then fighting my dad yelled, "I'm done with this shit, I want a divorce and I want to move out. I would rather live as a homeless than have to see your ugly face every time I wake up for the rest of my life."

Then he walked away without a word.

My eyes still tear up thinking about it and it has been twelve years, I only saw him once after that night--the night they were getting divorced.

My mom still doesn't know that I know the real reason why he left us.

She always tells me that their relationship never worked.

Whenever she told me the lie I would just nod my head and pretend that I thought that was the truth.

One day I have to tell her I know the truth.

I haven't told her yet because if she would always lie to me about it there must be a reason.

Maybe she hasn't told me because there is a part that I don't know or never knew.

There is so many possibilities to why she never told me but I don't want to overwhelm my thoughts right now--I want to sleep.

I sigh and close my eyes then eventually fall asleep leaving all of my questions unanswered.