Anonymous//Michael 2

Chapter 15

Michael's POV

It's all my fault. That should be me dead, not Ashton, not my best friend. That bullet should be in me, and at the moment I wish it was, I can't deal with this pain. I can literally feel my heart broken, struggling to breathe, gasping for air. I feel as I'm having some sort of panic attack. I can't live without Ashton, Ashton is like my brother and it's all my fault that he's dead.

"No, he can't be" Calum says confused, I look up at his tear stricken confused face. "He's not dead.. he-h-he can't be, he's Ashton Irwin" he stutters and walks towards Ashton. He looks down at him in confused. "That's not him, it can't be, he can't be dead"

I look at Ashton's curly hair draped over his forehead, his curls gently placed over his eyes, his eyes closed and lips slightly parted. The full of life, happiness and laughs Ashton that I once knew is no longer here. He's been replaced with the lifeless, curly haired body that is laying on the floor in front of us. Ashton was the most sweetest, kindest, caring guy I've ever met, I mean he took a fucking bullet for me, now he's dead. It's just not right. It's something that would happen in a movie, like we are a Hollywood make, this life is a Hollywood make and Ashton's not really dead. We've been punked, we have to have been. Ashton's going to jump up any minute, the murder will come back and pull party poppers, the cameras will come out and say it was all a prank to test our reactions. Yes that's it.

I place my hand on Abi's shoulder who's sobbing into her hands. She snaps her head up and glares at me. I step back as she stands up and steps closer to me, her eyes narrowing.

"It's all your fault!" she yells poking me in the chest. I can feel tears forming again in my eyes, my head starts to spin at this confrontation. I know it's all my fault.

"I know, that should be me, the one that's- thats.. dead" I trail off looking at the paramedics zipping Ashton into a body bag. "What you doing?" I shout and watch them carry him out of the door. "No you can't take him, no we aren't ready" I shout and they close the ambulance doors behind him.

"That should be you" Abi spits and I feel me break even more. I nod, tears trickling down my face, my lip quivering. "Ashton was innocent in all this, the man wanted YOU dead, not Ashton YOU"

"I know, if I could do something I would - Abi, believe me" I plead and try to place my arm on hers but she's moves out the way. "Abi please" I beg and she steps closer to me so our noses are barely touching.

"Then do something" she spits and walks back into the house to the rest of the broken bunch.

Standing in the middle of the front yard alone and gobsmacked at Abi basically telling me to kill myself. Maybe that's best, maybe that's what I should do, I can't live with this guilt, I can't live a world without Ashton and with Abi hating me. I fall to my knees and shudder, I place my head in my hands and scream, scream because there's nothing I want to do more than kill myself at the moment. The only thing keeping me in this world is Danni.

Danni. I walk back into the house to see Danni hugging Abi as they break down into each other's shoulders. She looks up at me and passes Abi onto Luke and he wraps his arms around her and Amba. Danni wipes her tears and walks towards me. The love in her eyes for me has vanished and the lust she had for me now seems as it's disappeared.

"Do you still love me?" I choke and she sighs. Tears form my eyes at the thought of Danni not loving me anymore.

"Michael, don't do this" she cries and my heart breaks. She doesn't love me. I trace the tattoo that I got for her with my finger as tears splash onto it. "Of course I still love you silly, I'm in love with you Michael. It wasn't your fault" she says and wipes my cheeks with her thumb.

"So you don't think that Ashton died because of me?" I barely whisper and I can see her eyes tear up with the mention of Ashton's name.

"Michael, that man was going to kill you, you didn't want that did you. It's not your fault, that man is mental, none of us wanted him in our lives" she says reassuring me, no matter what she says I will always blame myself for the death of my best friend. I will always carry guilt along with me and I don't know how I would be able to live with that on my back. When I look around I can see everyone secretly blames me for Ashton's death just with the way they look at me, even Danni. I can't live with this. I can't cope with everyone blaming me, when I know myself it's all my fault, well it is, if I wasn't alive none of this would've happened, Ashton wouldn't be dead and I wouldn't feel like this. I have to end this pain.

Soon.