SCRIBBLES {Under Revision}

chapter 2

He woke up to me stroking his hair and looked directly into my eyes that had been staring at him since morning.I smiled at him and to my surprise,he smiled back or atleast,he tried to smile back.he then sat beside me,yawned and looked around the room in surprise.
"Oh god..What happened yesterday?" He whispered in his morning voice.
"So you don't remember anything?"I asked with surprise.
"No...Why?"he said in a slightly audible voice.
"Well,you passed out again and we called the doctor who gave you some sleep meds.we returned to our house after everything was over and I carried you to my room and now,here we are."I said while playing with his hair.
"Oh."He said blankly.
I kept looking at him until I noticed that he was shaking with nervousness.
"Hey Andy,go take a shower and I'm bringing you your lunch."I said while shaking off my thoughts.
"Lunch?...what-what time is it?"he asked with surprise.
"It's almost 2pm."I said and he looked at me with shock which eventually turned into a neutral and relaxed expression.
"It feels nice."he said and chewed on his lips.
"What feels nice?"
"Sleeping....A feeling I almost forgot how good it is."I gave him a sad smile and then took his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles.
"It's okay Andy.now get up and let me bring you some food."I said,still holding his hand.
"I'm not hungry,Rye.."he muttered.
"What?Are you kidding?You haven't eaten anything since yesterday.atleast try and eat something."I said in a serious tone.
"But I don't want to." He said.
"So do you want me to call Jack and..."
"No no no!Don't call that kid.Im sick of his voice."he said.
It was the first time in weeks that I heard him respond so quickly.
"Then wait,I'll bring you your lunch."I left the room and came back with some food.

He hardly ate anything but at least,he tried.after he finished eating,we sat there in comfortable silence until I decided to break it.
"So,tell me what's going on."
"N-nothing."
"Oh please,don't try to lie again.you know you suck at lying."
"Nothing happened Ryan,there's no need to be bothered about me."
"Andy please tell me and I.."
"I SAID NOTHING! THERE'S NOTHING TO BE BOTHERED ABOUT!" He snapped.
"Woah..."I said in disbelief.

"I'm sorry Ryan!I'm really sorry, I don't deserve your friendship."he choked on his voice,his eyes were over brimmed with tears but his face didn't show any emotion.
Seeing him like that really broke my heart.I pulled him closer to me and wrapped my arms around him.
"It's okay Andy,I don't mind it,I know what you're going through.I just want you to answer my questions in yes and no."I whispered in his ears.
"Have you ever tried going to a psycatrist?"I said while rubbing his back.
"Yes but it was of no help.I couldn't even speak a word infront of them."
"But I want you to talk to a doctor,Andy.trust me, everything's gonna be okay,you just need to open up to others."
"But I can't talk to strangers."he choked on his saliva.
"Then talk to me."I said out of the blue.I pulled him into a hug and placed my finger under his chin to make him look at me.I wiped his tears with my hand.
"Listen Andy,you can trust me.you can talk to me.I'll always be here for you.you don't know what you mean to me but I want you to know your worth."I said while looking into his eyes.there was something in his eyes that I had never seen before.his eyes reflected submission and trust in such a rate that I nearly forgot who he was.
"Listen Andy,don't be so hard on yourself.everthing's gonna be okay.It will just take some time."I placed a kiss on his forehead and then continued.
"You and I will soon figure it out but for now,take you medicine and try to sleep again."I said and handed him the medicine.he nodded and laid down,I could almost feel his dizziness circling inside my head.
After a few minutes,I heard light snores coming from his mouth which,for some unknown reason,calmed me down.

After making sure that he was asleep, I got up from the bed and went to Andy's room to find something that could help me figure it out.after searching for a few minutes,I found a few diaries and a few blades which I kind of knew,would be there.I didn't know why but I felt like I had lost a battle I never fought.
I went through the diaries and all I could find was words that were left in scribbles.I went through the pages,desperate to find something more but all I could find was the phrase 'I can't' written everywhere.feeling hopeless,I took all his stuff and kept them in the drawer.

"And another day I had spent,without knowing how it went.you said that things will get better but I know they wouldn't,they couldn't,they shouldn't.How could they?I feel like a bird caged for an eternity who wanted to fly away from the cage but still found itself a home,a comfort zone in the deadly trap.You tried to be the sunlight but what you didn't know was that the darkness,the stillness and the silence was my home."

If only I knew how you felt,
I would've found a better way with which I would've dealt.