SCRIBBLES {Under Revision}

chapter 14

So a few quick warnings.
$ contains mention of sexual abuse
$contains foul words
$mention of self harm
$the chapter is too long
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I immediately jerked his hand off my face,a bit too forcefully I guess,which caused him to whimper in pain.I wasn't just angry,I was furious.at that point of time,it didn't matter to me if I had hurt Andy cause I was busy evaluating how much pain he had caused,how lifeless he'd made me feel and how he'd killed me with each bold stroke that he'd ever scribbled on his skin.he'd made me so vulnerable and I surely hated it.he had always been the one who had tore the pages of my book and had blown them aimlessly and he'd never cared if the untrustworthy wind had told my story to the people around me.I wanted to hurt him and I wanted him to go through the same pain that I'd gone through but how could I?Perhaps,to him,pain was the only escape and I never wanted to grant him any pleasure from me.
Andy looked up at me,his eyes glittered.maybe he wanted to cry but he surely couldn't cause for him,letting yourself bleed dries up your tears.
"I hate you Andy,I hate you more that I hate myself for hating you" I practically screamed before turning around and pacing towards the door.which each step I took,I left a trail of tears on the floor.
"No R-Rye..Please d-don't leave m-me a-alone..Please listen to me one l-last time...I Promise y-you that I won't waste y-your time anymore.."He wailed while trying to escape the mesh of tubes and needles that pierced through his skin.my brain was never ready to forgive him however,my heart had planned something else,just like always.I turned around just to see that he was yanking the drip that was connected to his vein and was trying to detach it from his body.I quickly ran to him and pushed his hands away from the drip but he continued to yank them with his frail hands.he started protesting with his feeble voice
"no,I don't need this bullshit...I don't want to be here...I want to go back home...Please let me go back....."
"Shh..And...Don't be such a kid....You'll be going home once they are done with you...Calm down love...Please love..."I whispered in his ear while I wrapped my arms around his waist to prevent him from moving too much and hurting himself.strangely enough,the word 'love' had left my mouth without any hesitation this time.perhaps the part of me that hesitated was afraid of losing Andy while the real me had already experienced what losing him feels like.perhaps before,I was embarrassed but now I'm vulnerable.

Andy continued protesting and mumbling words that made no sense to me.he even tried to push me and he nearly succeeded.being both frustrated and scared,I pinned him down on the bed.he gasped at the sudden shortening of distance between us but he still continued to protest.
"Enough is enough And....baby....Please calm down!" I practically shouted and then,being unable to control my frustration anymore,I crashed my lips onto his.I cursed myself for doing that but I knew that there was no turning back.Andy's body shivered at the sudden contact but soon,his mind gave way.he kissed me back with the same roughness,if not more.his fingers found their way to that of mine and our fingers entangled with each other.somewhere between the whirlpool of our love,the tube of his drip got involved which caused him to whimpered in pain and then,we parted.
"Calm down...." I said onto his wet lips.Andy shivered once again and then,having lost control he pulled me by my shirt into a passionate kiss.his heart was thumping against my unsteady chest and his soft breath was hot against my skin.
We felt fear and frustration running through our blood.we felt like we had lost control over our body forever.in short,I felt like I was dying while he must've felt like he was alive once again.that's when I realised how different we were-our differences were too strong to give rise to the same feeling-love.

"Hey Ry...." We heard the door burst open which caused us to break our kiss.we stared blankly in each other's eyes until Andy turned his gaze towards the door.
It was Amber standing at the door with her usual body language but with a hurt expression.she bit her lip and walked towards me like she had seen nothing.
"I'm s-sorry f-for entering wi-without knocking...T-the doctors told t-that A-Andy can leave in a few hours" she said blankly and turned towards Andy.she gave him a fake smile and brushed her fingers through his hair like she always did-this time with a bit of coldness.Andy looked at her with horror-filled eyes
"Get well soon idiot" she mumbled and left the room without even turning back.