SCRIBBLES {Under Revision}

chapter 10

It was new year's eve.Me and the boys were chilling at a party that one of Mikey's friends invited us to.Andy had already denied to come with us to the party but he knew that I wasn't leaving him alone and he didn't want me to give up on my life,so he had to come to the party half-heartedly.after having a short talk with my drunk friends,I took two cups of frizzy drinks for us and joined a half-panicking Andy on the couch.I knew that he was feeling anxious because of being around people he barely knew and when I joined him,a smile bloomed on his face.I handed him his cup.
"I don't drink..."he said.
"Oh wow!That's such a new thing!Thank god I was kicked out of the bar...."I said in a sarcastic voice."it's coca cola" I said and he smiled at me.we shared long glances with each other till he took a sip and spoke
"I think you should be enjoying with your friends,not sitting here and playing staring game with me."
"Well,just so you know,I'm enjoying this better.."I said and he blushed.at that moment I didn't even realise that I was flirting with him.
"Why aren't you drinking?" He said curiously.
"Cause I don't want to drink... I'd rather chug on coca cola." That was however true.I wasn't an active drinker,I hardly drank once a month but when it came to parties,I was the one to empty all the cans and chug 11 shots without throwing up.but this time,things were different.this time,I preferred to sip on the only drink that I hated the most than to chug down bottles of beer till I wasn't to able to talk.we smiled at each other until a couple seated themselves beside us and I shifted closer to Andy to give those drunk teenagers a bit more space.Andy placed his hand on my thigh unintentionally and that made me nervous as fuck...Suddenly Andy started dying with laughter and tried hard to control his hysteria.
"What happened?"
"Look there."he pointed beside me and I saw those two hardly-seventeen-year-olds practically sucking each other's faces off.both the guy and the girl started striping off in front of us and I saw Andy crying with laughter.
"God,I don't want to see two kids making kids.."I whispered to him and he started laughing harder,unable to control any longer.I pulled him up by his hand and directed him to the garden.he jumped on the grass and started laughing his ass out and soon, I joined him,both of us continued laughing till we were out of breath.
"Why do people need to get their private parts out in the public?"Andy said and I cracked up.
We later laid on the cold grass which was wet because of the mist and looked up at the stars.we talked to each other till it was 11 and then we rushed inside as it was feeling extremely cold.
"Oh my god!Ryan,where were you?People are looking for you....Mikey's wants you to be on him team in beer pong.." louis came to me and mumbelled.
"I don't thin-"
"It's okay,Ryan's going..."Andy said and pushed me towards louis.I gave him a confused look and then he winked at me.

And I did what I was afraid of.I drank till there was no more space left in my throat.but still,
The whiskeys,the shots,the ciggerates,the beer
Were not enough to engulf my fear.
The more I drank,the more I became paranoid for Andy.I finally gave up on drinking when I couldn't even stand properly and even in that state,I went looking for Andy.After walking a few steps,I had to give up because my head was hurting as hell.out of a sudden,I heard people yelling something that I couldnt make out what it was.
"40.....39.....38....." I noticed that they were yelling numbers and so I decided to to the same.
"400........3.......22......99......" I yelled at the top of my lungs and people started looking at me with surprise.
"What....I'm very good in maths....I know that 1+1 is 11....I know everything...."I screamed and people started laughing at me again.I looked around with confusion and saw a blond guy running towards me.
"Rye,what the fuck are you doing?" I recognised Andy's voice.
"Breathing.....Producing carbon dioxide,turning glucose into glycogen....And what about you...Where were you all this while?" I slurred in a hardly audible voice.
"I was in the bathroom...Oh my god,you need serious help." He sat down beside me on the couch and took my hand in his small ones.
Suddenly I heard the sound of crackers bursting and everyone screamed "happy new year"at the top of their voice.my head was hurting so bad from the noises and I decided to put my head on Andy's shoulder.I looked up into his eyes that reflected the timid glow of the fairy lights and then he looked down at me,smiled and leaned towards me.I did the same thing and within a second,we were kissing,his hands cupped my jaw and mine were entangled to his hair.we kissed for like a few minutes until we heard music blasting from the speakers and we decided to break the kiss.
"Oh my god,Rye,you taste strongly of alcohol.." he remarked.
"What....I know I'm intoxicating....You need not tell me that.." I said and he laughed at me.

I woke up suddenly when I felt the ground below me moving and then I realised, I had been still dreaming of the same incident for the 7th time but not gonna lie,that was one of the best day of my life.I remembered what had happened between me and Andy last night-his attack,his nervousness,the way he hurted himself and our fight.it was like I totally forgot about my arm until I felt a sharp pain while moving it.I cursed my brain.it was like my brain forgot about the body it's situated in.I expected myself to be freezing from cold but surprising, I wasn't.I looked down and found that I had a comforter around me and my head was resting on Andy's lap who was brushing his small fingers through my hair.I shivered due to the sudden sensation of cold air on my bare face and saw that he was looking at me with a tint of anger in his eyes.I got up from the floor and looked at him but he didn't care to look at me and stood up.
"What happened?Why are you behaving so strange?" I said and shivered between the words.he glared at me and walked closer to me.
"What the fuck do you think of yourself Ryan?Seriously,like who do you think you are?My parent?What do you think,waiting for me outside my room in this bitter cold will help me?You are a fucking idiot Ryan!Stop burning yourself in the fire that you created to keep me warm.Who will take care of you if something happens to you cause let's be honest,I DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU!"
He said in such a rough voice that I nearly jumped off my skin.I didn't knew what happened.I was shivering,both with hurtfulness and cold.I was so numb with the cold that I couldn't even feel my hands.
Andy turned towards me and gave me a few pills and whispered "take the pills or you can have a severe cold..." He said and left a very confused me in the middle of the hall.

I could do nothing but smile at his innocence.he said he didn't care but he was the only one who was there for me.he'd said that he's heartless but he was the one who had my heart.he said that he was as cold as ice made up of sterness but he never knew that it took him a few seconds to melt into a puddle of innocence.

Two days passed by and I hadn't heard from Andy since the last time we talked,since the last time he'd sent shivers down my whole body,since the last time his anger calmed me down.I tried to talk but he'd chosen to walk away from my life,which was just a hologram of his smile.I've had tried to take him to his favourite place but it seemed that he preferred the darkness.And I?I'd been keeping a watch on him,being out of watch from his eyes.I'd been taking care that he eats properly,gets proper sleep and smiles.

It was afternoon and Amber was coming back from L.A and being 'the one who was in love with her',it was my job to pick her up from the airport.The boys had made sure that I was properly dressed and had bought flowers for her.The thing about Amber is that she is the beauty of the heaven but I've always been that mortal who had never been able to admire it.yes,she's flawless but I wanted someone with flaws so that we both will always be on the same page of the book.Andy had flaws but each of his flaws were a definition of perfection on their own.
"You should propose to her." Andy said while I was about to leave.it was the first time in two days that He'd talked to me directly.I thought that I would smile to that but I wasn't able to.
"I won't,I g-guess that i-its just a m-mere c-crush and nothing else." I cursed myself for shuttering.I didn't know why but my words made Andy look hurt,yet angry.He walked super close to me and grabbed me by my colar.
"L-listen,what do you f-fucking think about yourself?Why do y-you always pull people c-close and then you ask them t-to go?Why Ryan why?Why do you hurt when you're meant to heal?Why?p-please d-don't hurt her l-like you did to m-" he said with tears in his eyes and then pushed me away without completing his words.it left me feel incomplete,and frustrated,and angry,and hurt.my heart ached and so did my head.tears threatened to fall but I pushed them back,like Andy said,I was the one who first wanted to cry and now I'm the one who wants to hold his tears back.I thought:
"Maybe I'm the one who's wrong.maybe I'm not the one with a broken heart but the one who breaks hearts.maybe I'm not the one who's hurt but the one who hurts."

I drove myself to the airport to pick Amber up.I got out of the car and waited for her while playing with the hem of my jumper.suddenly,I felt her tap on my shoulder and she engulfed me into a hug.
"Oh my god, I missed you idiots." She said and we pulled out shortly.I smiled at her and handles her the flowers.
"Omg!Why so much of formality?"she gave a goofy smile.
I walked slowly close to her and took her hands in mine.she looked at me with Confusion.
"Hey Amy,I-I" I couldn't say anything to her.so I did what I felt would be right,I kissed her.