The Love That I Dreamed © ( Updating)

14.14

Bedford, NY 1994

The early morning, the morning sickness was kicking my ass, began writing the breakdown of Jesus what a wonderful child...

Going for a a full Baptist choir vibe. Going on a small walk. Feeling the fresh air made me think about this whole album and its true concept of what Christmas means. 

"what does Christmas mean for me?"

"Happiness and Joy?...

"Peace and understanding?"

I walked into the booth and decided to sing a rendition of  O' Holy Night,  after the one-hour session, feeling exhausted I huffed in anguish.

sitting in the corner of the room, a small cute melody popped into my head, as I began the hum all I wanted for Christmas was him, I mean why wouldn't I? he made all my dreams come true 4 albums in, even though I was grateful I still felt state of an illusion of reality.

closing the booth door and taking a small breath before singing acapella, every emotion I'd been feeling in the past 6 months in the middle of June this was it. after the song, I felt as relieved as I waited as the baby kicked my rib as I thought about it being a single. 

after walking back into the foyer I blasted Chaka Khan's Ain't Nobody on the record player while playing with Princess. He came out of his office in a rage, while in my world, I didn't hear him practically screaming my name until he slammed me into the desk.

falling onto the carpet floor I couldn't see anything but the bottom of his black shoes. mentally checking out, I couldn't even cry my body went stiff. eventually hearing princesses bark to help me stay conscious. 

a few minutes later I got up and made my way to the downstairs bathroom realizing it was a purple bruise on my left leg. 

"it's going to be okay," I told myself.

Later that Evening. 

Manhattan, NY 1994

In the Limo I was blasting Wu-tang 36 chambers in the back, rapping every single word, of course, Tommy ignored me while I was in my own little world. After the song was finished I grabbed some water and said: "You know what I want to work with them for the next album!"

He side-eyed me looking up from his book and said: "You want to work with who?"

I want to work with "Wu-Tang I want them on a song for the upcoming album!"

Sarcastically he laughed in my face as if they weren't good enough to work with or something, I cocked my head to the side, and asked "What's wrong with that! It is an idea?" I stated.

He looked at me in my face and said: "A stupid one at that you're not working with them you have an image to uphold not some wanna down homegirl from the Bronx."

Wow, I stated shockingly sitting back in the seat. I was really taken aback, I mean someone who claims they want what's best for you but then ends up not caring about your artistic needs.

A few hours later at the home studio I began writing Fantasy I kept tapping my pen as I said out loud something missing as I replayed the track, I quickly looked around just to make sure no one was noticing me pull out my cell phone and making a quick call to Tina.

"Hey, T," I said in a whisper, "I need a favor meet at Crank productions tonight".

I quickly hung up and finished writing the rest of the track.

Sneaking out was the hardest thing to do, because not only was security everywhere, he had people throughout the state watching my ass.

I asked Franco our driver to drop me at my usual location in the city, near CVS to be discreet as possible.

An hour later

Lower Eastside.

Walking into the small studio the smell of weed hit my nose as I sat down shyly across from Redman and Rza with a small notebook in my hand.

"You smoke Ma?" I heard Meth ask me nicely.

Before I could answer for myself Red jumped in and yelled:

"Nigga, You Know  princess can't smoke her old man would fucking kill her!"

I rolled my eyes and handed over my songbook to ODB, who was unusually quiet.

As I walked over and asked what did he think, he turned around and said Here, giving me a crumbled piece of paper with some lyrics written.

"Damn, That was fast!" I stated.

What time is it? I asked randomly.

"3 am why?"ODB asked.

"Nothing just wanted to know". Tapping my foot on the chair, when he notices I'm gone, I'm going to be dead.

No less than 30 minutes after the song was done, I was shocked about how quickly he could work, I was glad the song was done but also worried about how the executives would take it since they take his word over mine and I'm the one making the company money.

******

Walking up toward the door a gulped In fear of the other side, taking a deep breath I began scanning the room for any small spec of Light, or movement as soon as I stepped inside the alarm went off. "

"Shit, Here we go!" I thought to myself.

Closing the door and turning the alarm off, Tommy appeared out of nowhere and attacked me by yelling.

"I'm alive, aren't I?!" I shouted before he could start: "that's stupid I'm trying to protect speech."

"You went and work with them, didn't you?!" He yelled in my face.

"I know a hit! that song is going to change everything why don't you believe me!" I said basically screaming back at him.

With Folded arms and a sly smirk of firmness as if he knew he would be right. "Fine!  Since You think you know everything!".

"I Do Thank you!"  I yelled with a sigh of relief.

Getting ready for bed, I couldn't believe he doesn't understand my vision but when does he care anyway. going to bed feeling great about the decision I finally made myself helped a lot maybe doing this would help even more.