The Love That I Dreamed © ( Updating)

18.18

Toyko Japan. 1995

Looking at myself with discuss which seemed like hours going over the same bruise I closed my eyes and remembered not to cry just deal with it because I allowed him to do this yet again, I cringed at the bruise on the left side of my chest, I felt like a failure. throwing on a plush hotel robe, I realized he was gone, with a sigh of relief I ordered Room service, while I picked out an outfit for the long-press day ahead. 

A few minutes later the food arrived, checking my missed calls Derek had called I listened to the message over and over until I heard the door open and Tommy came back in. 

"I thought you left?"  I stated nervously. 

"No, not yet my flight isn't until 2 pm" he stated

"Okay," I said brushing my hair into a high ponytail.

My phone began to vibrate, as I answered as it was Derek I instantly became nervous, Tommy shot me a look and grabbed my phone. 

I sighed and he hung upon him. 

"Really Mariah?" He questioned. 

"What he's just a friend."

"Right" he stated as he walked away,  I'm ready to go home... I said out of frustration.  

"you'll be there sooner than you think". he said walking out the door. sitting down I was lost in my own thoughts. Eventually getting ready for the rest of the night.

*****

Sitting down in the hotel bed, looking over the itinerary for the day, I thought about calling Derek back but decided not too. I drew a deep sigh while playing in my hair. 

Looking in the mirror examing my body once more, noticing my belly mostly. I tried to hold in the tears but the feeling of regret came over me, to have an unexpected gift was one thing but to have to deal with the bullshit that came with it was another. 

I couldn't hold myself in a quick pity for too long since it was almost performance time. 

saying a small prayer to myself to keep me sane helped more than ever. 

***

Walking onto the stage I instantly felt the hot lights from up above, as I stared out into the crowd, began chanting the lyrics toward one of my songs. I took a deep breath before starting, as the band followed, I began questioning my whole existence, and not being fully present. 

After finishing the first show, I felt nauseous and somewhat light-headed,  I quickly rubbed my belly as I felt the baby's back against my right side of my ribcage, heavily sighing, I began softly singing always be my baby hoping either he or she would move. but no use. I could feel my own blood pressure rise as I took a seat and propped my feet on the chair, they were starting to swell.  

Patrick came behind me and she said you need to calm down, and I know just the trick. 

"Oh really!"  said while taking a sip of water.

He gently held my left shoulder and began giving the best message I could ever ask for. "Thank you I really needed this" I groaned. 

"I can tell, so have you told him yet."

"I knew there would be a catch and Of course not!"

"You're going to have to eventually." 

"I know,- I know"

**********