Chemistry in Summer

Chapter 18

We were all on our way to get breakfast when we walked past Logan. He had everything he had with him last night. Usually he's discreet when coming back in the morning. Some guy just said something to him about the other night with Janet, but he just ignored him. It looked as if he was in thought and he also looked extremely tired. I can't forget how defeated he sounded last night. How he couldn't even bother rectifying things. Why was he like that? Not so long ago he wanted to pursue me and now it looks like he's given up on the world.

"That's what scum of the earth looks like," Jamie says causing the others to laugh. It wasn't even funny.

"Besides him being a regular camper, what else do you know about him?" I ask them curiously.

"That he's a brat who always gets what he wants," Amy said dryly.

"But he told me that he's tired of begging people for stuff. Why would he say that?" I ask again.

"He doesn't ever have to beg anyone for anything. When we used to hang out he'd always just text his mother whenever he wanted anything then she'd send it here or he'd get it after camp. He's also at some expensive boarding school across the country. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth," Jamie says.

"That's another reason all these girls want him. Each year when we come back here he would bring Mia an expensive gift. I think that's why she didn't want to lose him," Amy says.

"It wasn't even about that. She really liked him, but he messed up," Jamie says.

"But she must have loved the perks of dating him too," Amy says.

So he's rich? Explains how arrogant he is, but not the stuff he kept saying along the lines about having it difficult and begging anyone for anything. Maybe I just misinterpreted it. Maybe his mommy didn't buy him something now he is mad at the world. It could be more than that, but after last night I know I'm done with him.

We danced around and did a lot of new stuff during our lessons. Tomorrow is the second last day of camp and it is also the day before Logan and I would have performed our duet. I decided to enter the talent show regardless of our failed attempt at doing something together. I'll admit that we really sounded good together, but I guess we'll never be.

It's about 2 hours before lunch, so I head over to the music room, when I turn around and the person stops next to me.

"Can we talk?" Logan asks out of breath.

"I guess so," I say looking at him stupidly.

"At first I thought I just admired you a lot, but the more time I spent with you I realized that it's more than that. I fell in love with you. I love how you talked, how you sing, smile, make me laugh, how you make me feel when I touch you. I love everything about you. You're beautiful both on the inside and on the outside. I've never met someone quite like you. You're different and in a small span of time I felt what it feels like to actually feel for someone. I wish I could tell you this sooner, but I just couldn't," Logan says looking into my eyes as if he's looking right through my soul, making me weak.

"Don't you think it's a bit too late? We were doomed since the moment we first met," I say.

"It's never too late. There's still some time left to fix things. There's always time. I just need you to forgive me or else I'll never have peace, knowing I messed things up for both of us. I never thought I could feel this way about anyone. Just say the word then I'll either leave you alone or I could stay and fix things. I'm not as bad as you think I am, I just come with a lot of baggage, stupidity and insecurity, but I feel like you could change that," he says cupping my cheeks.

"How is there still time? Camp ends tomorrow and I might never see you again. I don't want to get too attached to you, like you always feared. I don't think I can change someone else unless they truly want to change. What if I come back and there's a new girl next year that you fall for and I get my heart broken in the process yet again? It's just too much to risk. I can't do that to myself. You've showed me enough pain these past few days than I ever experienced in my life. I don't think I can go through this again. Please don't make me," I say looking up at him with sorrow. As much as I want him to show me how he feels, I also don't want to risk losing myself to him in the process. Which I fear might have already happened.

"Fine then, I'll leave you alone. But can I have one last request?" he asks rubbing his thumb on my cheek. I nod and then he just says, "Kiss me." Not knowing how to respond I just stare at his beautiful hazel eyes. I really want to, but I know it will hurt me even more if this is our final goodbye.

As if he knows what I want, he leans down and kisses me. My arms automatically move around his neck and he puts his arms around my waist holding me so tight as if I'm his prized possession he never wants to let go of. We kiss for what feels like forever and when we stop and I open my eyes, I see a sight that breaks my heart. Logan's eyes are shut and there are tears running down his face. I guess I'm just a very emotional person, because soon my eyes are filled with tears too. I've never seen such a strong person actually break down in front of me. He bends down and puts his head on my shoulder which is weird seeing that I'm so short, and says, "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to lose you."

I hold on to him tighter than I did before, "It's okay I forgive you." Him allowing me to see him this weak means so much more than I ever thought it could. I felt so powerful knowing this strong guy is weak within my embrace. Until he finally let go of me and I felt empty again.

"I guess this is it then," I say not knowing what else to say. He then pulls out a handkerchief, cleans himself up, salutes me and walks away.

---

When I meet Amy at the park I tell her everything that happened, not omitting anything.

"This is so much to take in. Are you sure we're talking about the almighty Logan here?" Amy asks.

"I think I made a mistake by letting him go. Maybe I misread him. I don't think I want things to end this way, especially not after I saw that side of him," I say.

"This changes everything. I was wrong for telling you to stay away. He doesn't seem that bad after all. I think you should give him a chance," she nudges me.

"But we only have two days left here. Camp ends tomorrow. Won't it be a waste of time?" I ask her.

"It's never a waste of time to do things in the name of love. Just let your heart decide. Your time is running out. Tick tock," Amy says pointing to her wrist watch.

She's right. We still have two days and we could still make do with that.