Morning Looks Good on You - [Shawn Mendes]

Chapter 34

"Ugh Yea" He says. I don't know what to say so I just sit there waiting for him to say something else. "I was just making sure she was okay" he says finally.

"It's fine" I sigh, I don't want to be annoyed at him since we won't be together much longer but I can't help but feel a little annoyed. This feels like Will all over again, telling me he doesn't like another girl when he clearly does.

"I'm sorry Jen, god I'm an idiot I've hurt your and Brees feelings" he says shaking his head.

"Shawn, it's fine. I know you didn't intent to hurt anyone" I smile at him before heading over and hugging him. "What did Bree say?" I ask.

"She just apologised for walking in on us, she has no idea about you or how long I've known you, she was just jealous I was kissing someone else" he says. "I didn't think she still liked me, actually I didn't think she actually liked me like that at all" he sits down on the sofa.

"Oh Okay" I say.

"Yea good thing this is the end of the tour, she probably doesn't want to see my stupid face again" he lets out a half hearted laugh.

"Your face isn't stupid. well, not all the time" I wink and he smiles. A guy then pops his head in and tell Shawn it's 30 minutes until the show, Shawn begins warming up his voice and I listen trying not to laugh at the weird noises he's making. He then lifts a guitar and begins strumming and singing, I could listen to him sing forever and not get bored.

"Okay final show, lets do this" he says before kissing me then leading me out into the corridor.

"Jen" I hear from behind and I turn to see the girls walking up the corridor behind us. We turn a corner to the stage wings.

I grab Shawn hand and squeeze it. "Good luck, not that you need it" he smiles at me before I let go off his hand and he put in his ear pieces.
The girls and I watch from the wings, singing along to all the songs. The concert ends before I know it and I can feel the feeling of dread washing over me. This night is slipping away and I can't bare to let it end.
Shawn jogs off stage after the last song stopping to whisper to me "changing room in 5 minutes".
I tell the girls that I'm going to talk to Shawn and they say they'll meet me at the car once I'm ready.
I lean against the wall for a few minutes before knocking on Shawns changing room door, he opens it and immediately pulls me inside.
He presses me against the door and kisses me, I can feel his freshly washed wet hair against my face as I rest my hand on his bare chest. We break apart and I sigh. "I had to do that at least once more" he says catching his breath before putting on a T-shirt, much to my disappointment.
I'd been avoiding the feelings all day but I couldn't any longer, Shawn was leaving.

I muster up any sorta of bravery that I can "Look Shawn this is it" I say.

"What do you mean?" He asks looking concerned.

"This is the end of us" I say holding back my tears.

Shawns POV:
My heart sinks. "What do you mean the end of us?" I ask.

"I don't mean our friendship, but the end of whatever this is. I don't want either of us waiting around in the hopes that this will ever workout, I don't want to get jealous when you're with someone else" she says as a tear runs down he cheek that she quickly wipes away. "It's better for both of us if we both know where we stand" she say.

"Okay so were just friends?" I say.

"Yea and I mean it, so were on the same page, we are both completely free to date other people" she says with pain in her voice. My heart feels heavy looking at Jens expression.

"Jen" I say softly lifting her face up.

"Shawn stop" she says removing my head from her face. "This is hard enough" she says in a cold tone. I step away a little and she looks up "sorry, this is just hard, I don't mean to sound cruel but it's how I stop myself from completely breaking down" she admits.

"I know its hard, and I understand" I say giving her a smile but she just looks down.

"I'm still here for you, when you can't sleep or if you just want to talk but I don't want you waiting around on me, I want you to find somebody else who can talk to when you can't sleep, someone who can also be there for you in person" she says, her voice breaks at the end.

"Jen I could never replace you" I say.

"I want you to, I will still be your friend but I want you to be happy" she says. She is so unaware of how happy she makes me, even if it is just over texting or phone calls.

"I am happy" I say she smiles a little.

"Promise me you won't let me get in the way of finding someone new" she says, I honestly don't know if I can promise that.

"I'll try" I say.

"This is so weird, I feel like we just broke up from a non existent relationship" she says with a small chuckle.

"Best non existent relationship I've ever been in" I say with a cheesy smile.

Her smile fades "Okay Shawn I have to go" she wraps her arms around my neck and I hug her tightly. "I'm gonna miss you" she says into my neck.

"Me too" I say as we separate. She steps away, a single tear runs down her cheek and I swipe it away with my thumb and he hand comes up to meet mine. "Oh I have something for you" I say before retrieving the cassette tape I'd made for her.

"You are truly the sweetest! These songs are..." she trails off as she reads, they're mostly songs that we listened to back in Canada and that remind me of her. "thank you" she says quietly holding the tape to her chest. "Okay I've really gotta go, until next time" she smiles.

"Until next time" I say before she gives me one more quick hug and leaves.
I watch her go and stand there almost paralysed until she's out of view. I gather my things and head back to the hotel.
why did this girl has such an effect on me? I've only spent 8 days of my life with her and they have been the best 8 days I've ever spent with anyone.

Jenny POV:
Walking away from him was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I felt like every fibre of my being wanted to run back and be with him but I know that it wouldn't work and I'd only be wasting our time.
I get to the car, my face stained with tears.
"Jen are you Okay?" Alice asks as I get in.

"Ugh Yea, I just hate goodbyes" I say smiling at her to reassure her I'm all good.

"That bad?" She asks.

"That bad." I simply reply.

Lucy drives us all home, we sing to Shawns music which gives me conflicting feelings.
I enter my room, the bed still unmade where Shawn had thrown the duvet back this morning to get up.
Once I've changed I get into bed, laying down and being engulfed in the smell of Shawn from my pillows. I tear rolls down my cheek, why did I feel so sad? It not like he's my boyfriend.
I grab my journal and begin writing 'this is the most conflicting type of heartbreak, heartbreak over a relationship that never got a chance. I promised I would move on but right now I don't feel like I could' I stare at the ceiling trying to imagine if it we were in different circumstances and we could give the relationship a chance would it work out? I ponder until I fall asleep.

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Was up writing last night then had a dream that Shawn and I were at the same house party lol 😂
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