Morning Looks Good on You - [Shawn Mendes]

Chapter 48

I drag myself out of bed, it's a sunny day outside which improves my mood slightly. I hadn't bothered tying my hair up before I went to sleep so it now resembles hagrids from Harry Potter, I french braid it to the nape of my neck then tie it into a pony tail. I head into the kitchen and pour a bowl of cereal, I prop my phone up against my mug of coffee so I can watch some YouTube videos. Michael enters the kitchen after a few minutes, sweaty and breathing heavily, clearly just back from his morning jog.

"Morning" I say, he smiles before filling his water bottle and chugging it in one.

"Morning" he says between deep breaths, he refills his water bottle again and leaves.
I return to my room and sip my coffee as I get ready, I'm going to go out for a bicycle ride.
I enter the code and release my bicycle from the rail, I put on my helmet and put my earphones in. I end up in the suburbs of the city as there's less cars and I don't have constant fear of being knocked over. LANY is the backing track for this cycle, I always listen to them when my heart hurts. I hum along as I turn left, I look up and I brake abruptly.
A community ice rink stands before me, the ice rink Shawn took me to. My heart races, his jeep is parked in the parking lot, the only car there. I can't help myself, I push my bicycle over to the door and prop it against the wall. The door is unlocked, I can hear loud music paying, it sounds like Drake but I can't be sure since I don't really listen to his music. I slowly head inside stopping for a second, what's the worst that could happen? He sees me? So what? It's not like i have anything to loose. I creep through the lobby area and to the double doors that lead to the rink and peer through the window, standing on my tip toes to get a better look.
There he is, practicing penalty shots, oblivious to my presence. Part of me wants to burst in and curse him out, but I don't, I just watch from afar, like an obsessed coward.
I can't tear my eyes away, I know I need to leave and just as I'm about to he looks up and our eyes meet, I panic and run, run as fast I can and jump on my bicycle. I pedal as hard as I can, I don't dare look back, I cycle until I'm sure I'm out of eyesight.
Did he know it was me? I'm wearing a helmet so maybe he couldn't recognise me? I hope I didn't freak him out.

I can hardly catch my breath but I'm too scared to stop, what if he's in his car looking for the creep that was watching him? I cycle until I'm deep into the city again, I stop at a small coffee shop. Caffeine will definitely help your jittery state I tell myself as I stand in line, but I ignore the thought and order coffee anyway. I browse Twitter, laughing at the occasional meme and reading articles. I click into the news tab and an article is trending 'Shawn Mendes postpones album release' I click on it to read more 'Shawn has postponed his album that was to be released at then end of this month until further notice, he apologised to fans telling them that he wasn't in a good place and wants some time off before releasing new music' my heart feels heavy, this is probably why he hasn't called me. I feel like I should check up on him but I don't want to be intrusive. I cycle home and lay on the sofa staring at the ceiling.

There's a knock at the door. "What you up to?" Michael says.

"Literally nothing" I say as I continue to stare upwards.

"Ugh okay, well I'm ordering groceries if you want to add yours in and get them delivered?" I sit up and he hands me his laptop, I spend a few minutes adding things to the cart before we order it. "Are you okay?" Michael asks.

"Yea I'm good, just bored" I say.

"How was your cycle?"

"Ugh it was good" I say. "What you been up to?"

"I was talking to my parents"

"I should probably call my dad now that you've reminded me" I lay back down on the sofa. I'm in such a weird mood, I'm not sad but I'm also not happy, I'm indifferent or numb.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Michael asks.

"Yea I think my mind is confused and has just decided to avoid all emotion today" I say "how does this stupid Guy make me so happy and so sad? And why do I let him?"

"Well I'd say it sounds like you love him" Michael says casually, I didn't expect those words, especially from him.

"I don't love him, I hardly know him" I retort.

"Well if you've asked him as many questions as you asked me, you probably know him quite well" Michael says sarcastically. "You can get defensive, but you can't deny it, you're head over heels for that guy" I scoff but don't reply, am I? I was in love will Will (I think) and my feelings for him were never this strong, so maybe I do love Shawn?

"Ever been in love?" I ask Michael, this conversation got deep very quickly.

"Yea one time" he says.

"Not end well?" I say, judging by the look on his face.

"She moved away and found someone new" he says.

"How long ago was that?"

"A few years ago, still stings a little" he says. We share our stories of failed relationships before the groceries arrive.

Shawn POV:
It's was her, I'm convinced. Only she knows that I skate here and her long brown hair was flowing from her helmets as she pedalled away from me, why did she run away? Is she annoyed that I'm in town and didn't tell her?
I lay in bed that night, looking at the neatly folded clothes that I've moved from my bed to the floor, my mom has visited nearly everyday, I think she's worried about me. Im exhausted but I can't sleep, I feel like everyone's always watching me, no matter what I do there's a news article about it, but particularly when I let people down, which is a lot recently. I haven't spoken to anyone in days except my mom but I even feel distant from her.
I soon come full circle and I'm back thinking about Jenny and whether or not that was her today. Just send her a message! Shes knows you're in town. I reach over for my phone but It's dead, I plug it in and wait, I drift off to sleep before it turns on and wake at 6am. I head out to the balcony, the city is quiet as it usually is on a Sunday morning, I look out at the buildings and wonder which one she is in? Probably wrapped up in her duvet sleeping soundly.

_______________

Thanks for reading! Only 2 chapters left!