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what a shame i'm not there -
fours years later
they say the best years of your life are your teen years and early twenties. your life begins to peak, you're on your own from there. no one can stop you from doing whatever the hell you want, because now you're an adult. it might've been true but, often than not, there were those who lived with constant fear that had been passed down to them from parents or higher authority. the fear of growing up, the fear of asking for help, and the fear of speaking up.
george was no different.
george was just as afraid of the real world. a world where no one controlled him. a world where he could be who he was, as long as it was legal, without a doubt. and maybe, if it wasn't for fear, he would've taken the opportunity as soon as he was released.
but he didn't.
and all those bad decisions that were made after he was out, followed him to bit him in the ass much faster than expected. a great example was beth- a girl from his film course. she was a beautiful, bubbly blonde girl with livid blue eyes that should've made george feel alive-something he hadn't felt in years. but they didn't, not in the way they should've. she was an amazing girl, and george hated himself because he couldn't feel any kind of attraction to her. no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't. at the end of the day, all of that didn't matter because beth, his parents, and friends thought it was all real. as long as they believed it, george forced himself to believe it. he did care for her, a lot, but not how he should have as a boyfriend. it seemed like the more he forced himself into sex and other things, the more he hated her and himself.
the night they broke up, george had reacted alarmingly to her touch. pushing her back, not realizing fast enough that it was just her. the look in her eyes were what killed george a little. but his body had had enough, and now he needed to be alone. he needed to cleanse himself again, he needed to pray for more distractions.
"i'm sorry." george said, his voice quiet. "i-i dunno what came over me."
"you could've said no." beth said, sitting up.
"i-"
"what's wrong with you?"
everything. "nothing."
"georgie-" he winced, looking away from his girlfriend. "i love you."
george shook his head. "don't say that, beth."
"why not?"
"it's too early, innit." george pressed, hoping she was just kidding.
