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the roommate -
oliver's head laid on george's lap, his cheeks stained with tears. his soft breathing comforted george as he stared at a blank television. the guilt was eating away at him, thinking about how wrong he was. alex and george were different in a lot of ways. whereas alex was proud of who he loved, george knew he could never be again. george hated how comfortable alex was, how secure he was about his sexuality. how happy alex was. at the end of it all, george just wanted to be okay.
why doesn't this feel okay?why do i still feel like this? oliver gave up. so, why am i still like this?
"m'so sorry." george whispered, to no one in particular. oliver was still asleep, exhausted after the crying he had done. george knew he'd never see oliver that vulnerable again. not for a while, at least.
all of this doesn't affect just me. his fingers ran through oli's hair. oliver and alex weren't ever meant to be hurt. i was put through all of that, why are they hurt? he gripped the couch with the other hand. the feeling of conflict was back.
george immediately turned his head as the lock switched. there was a brief pause before the door was pushed open. alex, puffy eyes and stained cheeks, stood at the door. his hair was a mess and george could see a visible red spot on his pale neck. he ignored the love bite, softly lifting oliver's head off his lap. he replaced his thighs with a pillow, hurrying off to alex. alex ignored george, shooting straight to his room.
"alex." george pleaded. "al, please, m'sorry."
no reaction came from the other. george, in a state of panic, quickly pulled alex's arm. the other boy quickly reacted, pulling his arm away. "don't fuckin' touch me." alex spat.
"alex."
"no, you wan'ed me t'fuck off, well i fuckin' did."
"i didn't mean any of it!" george cried. his eyes brimming with tears, it seemed like all he had done that day was cry. "i am so sorry."
alex's eyes started to water. "then tell me what i did wrong?"
george shook his head. "you didn't do anythin', alex."
"then what the 'ell was this all about!?" demanded alex. "m'always there for you, george. no explanation needed, i am there for you."
"i know."
alex wiped his tears away. "m'one of your best mates, george. you tell me that all the time, but you never fuckin' show it. you don't ever tell me anythin'. this whole past week you've done nothin' but ignored me. and you can't even tell me why?"
george nodded, feeling even worse than before. "i know, but trust me, m'so fuckin' sorry."
"you keep sayin' that as if t's gonna fuckin' change anythin'!" alex shouted. "be honest with me, who is will? why 'ave you been avoidin' me? what was earlier 'bout?"
alex waited for george to say something but he never did. alex smiled, dropping his head. "that's what i thought." he laughed dryly. "m'not your mate, george, m'jus' your roommate. friends don't do this to each other. i can't take you serious if you aren't willin' to let me into your life."
"alex, please lis'en." george said through his tears. "i wish i could tell you, i wish it was that easy. m'not ready, and it feels like ll'never be ready. i am so sorry if i ever made you feel like i didn't value you, because i do. when we firs' met, you were the first person to be so patient with me. you 'ave helped me through so much. and one day i will be able to explain all the horrible thin's i do, but today's not that day. you don't want to hear this, an' i get that, but i am so sorry. for everythin'."
alex stepped closer to george, swiping his tears away. he pulled george into him, hugging him tightly. "you can't keep pushin' me away." whispered alex.
"don't you think i know tha'!" george cried, pulling away from alex. "m'tryin' my best. and i know i 'ave been absolutely 'errible this pas' week. i jus' need you to understan' that."
"let me help you-"
"you can't."
"not if you keep shuttin' me out, george."
george shook his head, tears beginning to spill all over. alex didn't take him in this time. he looked away, taking a second to compose himself. he couldn't bring himself to hug george, so instead he took his hand. holding it tightly as the apartment fell into a grim silence.
