Deadly Infatuation

Chapter 20

This one's for you Kaleigh, the sister I never knew I needed. And as for Lexi and Emma, I stretched the truth on this one a bit because let's be real, it took me an hour to wrangle yall up and get clothes on yall. I do remember different times of you both looking up at me with your beautiful chocolate eyes(Lexi) and your beautiful muddled green eyes (Emma). When yall looked at me I saw love and admiration and I hope to never let yall down.

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5 months, thats how long I have lived under Lucas's control. 5 months since the last time ive seen my family or Cam. I reply the moments from thanksgiving over and over in my head. At this point every memory of them is a dream. Cam has become a dream now, a fantasy of someone i'll never have. His sandy blonde hair and blue green eyes haunt me at night. It reminds me of the life I had wanted, but got ripped away from me. This time apart has only made me love him more than before. Thinking about Cam gives me hope, and hope is a dangerous thing. 

It's April now, and it feels like I've missed everything. J.J's birthday was in January, and Mom's was in February. My heart hurts every day for them, but I will never see them again. As hard as it is for me to accept that, I have. This is my life now, living in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a killer. The monster shows up about every 4 days now, and every 4th day is a new victim. Every 4th night he brings a new girl home and kills her, and I have to watch. 

I have become used to this pattern, almost comfortable with it. Death doesn't effect me anymore, the sadness I used to feel has turned to numbness. I have become used to the abuse I receive by the monsters hands. The bruises becoming an ever present factor of my body. The moment the monster leaves and Lucas is back I shower him with love, and wait for him to show me the same affection. HIs love is the only thing keeping me alive. 

I see the monster eye me in ways that scare me, so I know that Lucas is the one keeping me alive. If you call being trapped in a prison Living. I've survived though, for 5 months I have survived. I've lasted a longer than I ever thought I would. I'm tired of it though, tired of this bullshit of a life I live. I've tried to end it, to give me freedom, to take my own life. I can't though, because in that moment I'll think of Cam or my family and remember the reason I'm still here. They are why i'm still standing. 

Today is the 4th day, tonight he will bring home another girl and force me to watch her death. It used to make me sick, but now it leaves me feeling empty on the inside. So I take a long bath, trying to loosen up and prepare my body for tonight. The bubbles that surround me give me a false sense of normality, that I revel in for an hour. Once the bubbles all pop and the water goes cold,  hoist myself out and wrap a soft towel around myself. I walk over to our bed and sit on the edge of it for a long minute. As I'm sitting there, a memory of my sisters run through my mind. 

I can see us all at home, my parents gone for the weekend, leaving me in charge of the kids. J.J. had watched a movie with us all and then gone to hide in his room. The little girls looked up at me, only 3 years old but they knew their routine. It was now time to take a bath and put them into bed. I lead them into their bathroom and strip them butt naked, throwing them both into the same bath tub. We spend the next few minutes playing with the rubber toys in the tub and I watch as they splash water on each other. They had the best time, playing with each other and myself. 

I remember watching them giggle and throw toys out of the tub at me, having the time of their lives. Once they were clean I wrapped each one of them up in their bath towels that had hoods on them, making them look like mini burritos. I sat them both on the edge of my bed, while I went to their room and grabbed their PJ'S. When I came back into the room the both sat there, still wrapped in a cocoon, staring up at me with a beautiful innocents that made my heart grow for them. Their beautiful auburn hair peeking out of the towels hoods.  I left them wrapped up like that for a little bit and just hugged them to me, They were my world. After dressing them I tucked them under the covers as I crawled in the middle of them and turned on Wallace and Gromit as we all drifted to sleep.