in violent frustration | gerbert

Chapter Fifteen

Bert waits at Gerard's locker for him, praying he'll be here today. He's so worried after yesterday.

"Where's Gerard? What happened yesterday? Is he okay?" Dan worries walking over to Bert who's waiting.

But before Bert can say anything, he sees a tired looking Gerard walking down the hall, to his locker where they're waiting.

"You worried the hell out of me" Bert says, just hugging Gerard tightly. He's been up all night worried.

"I'm sorry" Gerard whispers, feeling bad that Bert had to be the one to deal with him during that.

Bert leads him down the hall and to an empty janitor closet so they can talk about this in private.

"Are you okay? Did you have a seizure?" Bert says rubbing Gerard's arm, not knowing much about Epilepsy.

"I'm fine, thankfully I didn't, it was close though" Gerard says, smiling softly, obviously worn out.

"I'm really sorry you had to deal with me, leave school, and that I held onto you, it's just scary" Gerard says, feeling bad about it all.

"Don't apologize, I want to help you Gee, I want to be able to comfort you through something like that" Bert says.

"And about me snapping, that was just symptoms, it makes me irritated" Gerard says.

"Then why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you leave if you were having symptoms?" Bert asks.

"I wanted to stay so I could see you through the day.." Gerard says, making Bert chuckle.

The two leave, walking to their class together, Bert constantly making Gerard laugh, just to see him smile.

Gerard goes through the day with the brightest smile, feeling so much better about the situation after Bert's reassurance.

Bert always knows how to make him happy, always cracking jokes to make him laugh.

Gerard exchanges his books at his locker, softly singing to himself as he does so, so happy now.

"Hey, fag" He hears a voice say from behind him, making him turn to see two guys stood there.

"What?" Gerard asks nervously, confused on why they're here, calling him a fag.

"You denied my girlfriend, it hurt her feelings" One says angrily, arms crossed, making Gerard chuckle softly.

"So you're telling me that you're mad that I didn't sleep with your girlfriend?" Gerard says.

"She wasn't my girlfriend at the time, wise guy. You fucking hurt her feelings" He says, pushing Gerard.

"All I said was no, and lets be honest, even if I did, you'd still be angry" Gerard says, not in the mood.

"So why'd you say no? Some sort of fag or something?" He says, pushing Gerard back against the lockers.

"No, I just don't do hook ups" Gerard lies, not knowing why he isn't attracted to females.

"Oh you're just a faggot, hm? Who's your boyfriend, come on, who's dick do you suck?" He says, pushing him again.

With that sentence, Gerard's mind goes back to all the times he was forced on his knees for those men.

How they gripped his hair pushing farther down his throat, the way they moaned his name, called him disgusting slurs.

Gerard pushes him off, walking down the hall in thought now. Does that make him a faggot?

• • •

Gerard hugs his knees while talking to Bert on the phone, on his sofa by the window, Bert at his.

Even while talking, Gerard hasn't been able to think straight from earlier, what those kids said, called him.

"You've been pretty quiet Gerard, what's wrong?" Bert asks, noticing Gerard's silence.

Gerard contemplates talking to Bert about it, telling Bert what those kids said and called him.

But Bert just came out, he doesn't want to bring something like this up, he doesn't want to anger or upset him.

"Nothing, sorry, I'm just pretty tired" Gerard chuckles, playing it off as he's worn out from yesterdays triggers.

"You're a bad liar, you know you can come to me no matter what, right?" Bert reassures him.

Gerard chuckles. It's like Bert always knows what to say, he always knows how to reassure, make him feel better.

"I know, I just don't want to bring it up right now" Gerard says, hoping Bert will leave it at that.

"Okay babydoll, I'm here when you're ready" Bert says, making Gerard smile at how patient he's been.

Bert's everything Gerard wants and better. But he isn't gay, he can't be.