Hush

Chapter 16: I Am Not A Robot 🌹

A/N: This is a little more uneventful than usual but after all it is an extra chapter.

Happy Valentines you guys ;)

We panted as we pressed our backs against the warm brick wall of an old building that shadowed over us. The alleyway had a sour smell and stopped on a dirty wall, had it been nighttime this would've probably been the perfect setting for the beginning of a scary movie. We wouldn't dare to speak, Alexander was shaking and I felt that whatever might come out of my mouth might... I don't know, result in something bad.

I should've simply stayed home in the first place. Harry might need help with his homework and I have to water my cactus, Nelly. But of course the second I saw my father come through that door with his goddamn "I'm going to ruin John's day" face I had to make an excuse and run away like a child. I am not a child, I'm supposed to be the oldest one. I don't know why I can't act as such. And it's not like I'm going to be able to hide forever, we'll probably talk the second I step back into the house anyway. Hell knows what he wants now. I pray it's not another law school he found nearby.

Pray to who, exactly? The fuck do I know.

But still, instead of facing my own issues here I am, sneaking around with one of the most beloved boys in school. I don't know what I'm doing.

"J," Alexander finally whispers after more minutes of drowning silence. "Do you think he's gone?"

"Probably," I say. "It's been like, ten minutes,"

He still doesn't move. I silently sigh.

"I can go check," I say and he smiles, wide and toothy and cute, with relief.

I swear this motherfucker knows what he's doing.

I detach myself from the bricked wall and walk over to the end of the alley, where I peak my head out as subtly as I can manage. All around the place is mostly lacking humans with the exception of an old couple and some children waiting for their parent. No Lafayette to be seen. Even I feel lighter with the relief.

I'm not exactly sure of what's going on with Alexander and his brother, but from what I've gathered he's quite overprotective. And, in that case, I understand why he wouldn't want Alexander hanging out with me out of all people. I mean, I am John Laurens after all: the selfish spoiled brat with anger issues everyone hates.

I turn my head toward Alexander and in a normal tone say "He's gone,"

"Oh thank god," He exhales a thousand pounds of air as he walks away from the wall.

I notice our ice cream has melted during this interlude. Bummer, it was good ice cream.

While I resigned myself to the fact that my ice cream was gone, Alexander inserts himself on my area of personal space and smoothly wraps his slim arms around my neck, putting his face at very close proximity to mine. I literally had to control every single muscle of my body to not show a reaction but unfortunately, I don't have power over the blood rushing like rapids all over to my face and ears. Fuck. Fuck.

"I'm sorry," He says while I try my hardest to keep my eyes far far away from his lips. "I kinda ruined our ice cream d– outing,"

"It's alright," I squeak out like a mouse high on hydrogen. "It's not your fault,"

"Still, I– it's not fair to you," Alexander insists like the goddamn gentleman he is. I can feel the warmth of his breath every time he speaks, against my cheeks, against my jaw, against my mouth. I am a weak man, and if he doesn't freaking stop I'm going to do something incredibly stupid.

"Hey, it's okay," I choke out. "I knew what I was getting into when I became your friend," I didn't. "I— I don't mind. I know you can't– y'know."

"I know," He sighs once more, warm and tender air grazing my skin. "But I wish it wasn't that way."

He steps back, untangling his arms from around my neck, detaching his electrical field from mine. And I finally feel like I can breathe again.

You see, it's not that I don't want to kiss Alexander, because that would be a straight up lie. But I'm not stupid enough to do that to myself, not again. I can't let myself fall into some idiotic romantic fantasy that will never happen. I can't allow my feelings keep ruining friendships. I can't let what happened with Francis repeat with Alexander, not him.

He's too special.

"Hey, you coming?" He says, and I notice he's out of the alleyway. Huh.

I smile, knowing I wouldn't say no even if I could. "Of course I am, dumbass." I say, and then, "Hey did you know shrimp's hearts are located on their heads?"

God-fucking-damning why did I say that?

But maybe, the surprise in his eyes followed by his laughter blooming from his chest, makes me regret it just a tiny bit less.

Of course he does, Alexander just has that effect.