Hush

Chapter 23: Lover Boys

A/N: Kinda uneventful chapter but followed right up by another equally uneventful but slightly more ridiculous chapter also named after a Queen song

Confession time: Contrary to popular belief, I've never gone to an actual date. Ever.

I can dim the lights to sing you songs full of sad things

I've been with people, sure, but only casually. So it has never been a necessary or wanted formality before, that is if you can even call a date between two teens a "formality".

We can do the tango just for two

So to say that I'm quite nervous about my first date ever, with John Laurens nonetheless, would be an understatement.

I can serenade and gently play on your heartstrings

And I mean, yeah, neither of us had called it a date out loud. But that wasn't necessary. We both knew.

Be a Valentino just for you

And that's how I found myself standing in my bedroom, which looked like a thrift store had puked on it, questioning whenever the green flannel or the blue sweater was more appropriate for a movie theater date while a song from another one of those old bands John likes so much blasted in the background, band which I had previously only known as "The Guys Who Made We Are The Champions". I wanted this to be perfect, or as near perfect as it could get. As stupid as I felt I couldn't help it.

I glance at the clock. I have fifteen minutes to decide on an outfit and leave or else I'm going to be late to my first date ever with John Laurens. I'm fucked.

I was beginning to consider just canceling everything and crying under the covers because I'm an absolute failure for the rest of the night when Maria barged unannounced into my sacred anxiety space.

"Could you please lower that damn music!?" She yells over the speaker, one hand on the doorknob and the other holding what seems to be a magazine.

The figurative lightbulb lights up above my head.

Ignoring her request, I walk toward Maria and put my hand beside her ear as if we were making a highly secret transaction, which was technically true.

"I have a proposition for you,"

She immediately perks up. "What kind of proposition?"

"I have a date, and I don't know what the heck to wear. If you help me I'll give you five bucks. But you have to keep it a secret, especially from Gilbert,"

She considers it for a moment. "Make that ten bucks and you have yourself a deal,"

"Deal."

After five minutes of a middle schooler insulting my entire wardrobe and life choices and running her little hands through my hair because apparently I'm a "stupid frog sandwich" for even thinking of not wearing it down for a date, I find myself dressed in a nice pair of dark skinny jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt with my dark locks lose on my shoulders. I smile, this should work.

I pull out ten bucks. "Thanks, kid. And remember, keep this a secret!"

"Yeah, yeah," She says, looking at the money as if she just made a fortune.

I breathe. It's going to be okay.

•••

There he was. Awkwardly standing near the entrance of the movie theater, swaying on the heels of his shoes and looking down at his phone (probably a Wikipedia article about some strange mammal that went extinct decades ago). His curls were neatly tied into a half ponytail, his teeth biting down his soft lips, stupid freckles doing their stupid thing decorating his skin like tiny seashells on the sand. The day wasn't even that hot, and yet I felt like an ice cube in a microwave.

After staring for a not so reasonable amount of time I approach silently with the intentions of spooking him, just a tiny bit. Unfortunately, things didn't go according to the plan, since from the second I found myself within hearing range John looked up from his phone and right into my eyes.

"Boo," I said weakly, having been apparently rendered stupid by his hazel stare.

He snorts and puts his phone away. "Hey," John says.

"Hey," I sigh back. My hands twitch and I want but I don't.

He chuckles steps closer to me, close enough that I fear he might hear my quickening heartbeat. "Everythin' today? You're weirdly nontalkative today,"

"That's not a real word," I mumble and he shoots a nonthreatening glare at me. "It's nothing, really. I just. I'm just happy to see you."

I notice the exact moment blood rushes to his face and ears just as he smiles sheepishly. His mouth is right there, and I can feel every warm breath he takes. It's like my every sense in on overdrive just by being near him today. We're together, in a date, and yet I can't bring myself to step closer. It's so stupid.

"I sure hope you are," He says with more fondness than bite, and I wonder why aren't I kissing him.

He insists on buying the popcorn and snacks, too, along with the tickets. I'll allow it, I said, as long as I get to pay next time. Next time. As if, implying there would be an occurrence similar to this in the near future. And John agreed. The movie itself was a comedy that I didn't find all that comedic, but made John nearly choke on his popcorn more times than it is acceptable, which was quality entertainment by itself.

When we left, John recalled his favorite parts of the movie as we walked by the mall. I wanted to hold his hand but they were flapping around wildly as he made up theories on the spot for scenes that I didn't think were actually that deep. They might have been, I was paying more attention to him than the movie anyway. Or it could've been his hyperactive imagination doing its thing again. Either way, he looks so happy, wearing an unconcerned smile and relaxed shoulders, that I could hardly find it in myself to mind. Watching John is like seeing a firework come to life, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. So much so I didn't even notice the darkening sky and the smell of upcoming rain around us.

When the first drop of rain fell on John's nose he barely seemed preoccupied. I wasn't surprised, he did seem like the type to enjoy rain and going outside to roll on the mud and the such. I, on the other hand, wasn't a fan. Rain just brought back memories I usually keep buried down until a bit of rainfall eroded the locks around them.

Just as I began to tense up, his hand reached out for mine. "Wanna dance?" He said, attempting nonchalance but getting nowhere near.

My heart swelled in between my ribs. "John, no. We'll get sick."

"C'mon, just once spin and we'll go cover on the nearest cave or tree or whatever. Promise."

I hesitate, try to look for any last second excuse, a way to escape what shouldn't need escaping, but at the end of the day, I'm simply unable to say no to John. With a reluctant roll of my eyes, I take his hand and let myself be pulled closer to him. True to his promise, it's only one spin. But John made it slow enough to feel like much more, like he was milking out every second he could get out of this small spin.

Before I even knew it the small drops turned to pouring and we were both drenched to the bone. I was shivering but I didn't feel cold. We were two stupid teens pretending to dance on the sidewalk, and for a minute all the memories washed away like water.