drunk voicemails ➟ ethma

2.0

twenty | wow, he's sober? that's a first

ETHAN
THURSDAY | ZERO DRINKS

A newfound sadness overtakes Ethan. The same sadness is also compelling him to take measures into his own hands and set his act straight. Now that Emma had taken away the only viable source of communication without sober confidence, he didn't have many other options. Ethan's drunken rage would be no more if it meant he had to face her in person.

He wasn't able to hide behind a screen and vent his hidden feelings anymore. He now had to man up and do the unspeakable. At least, two months ago it was something he never thought he'd be able to brave.

Emma meant the absolute world to him, it never changed with two years time. It may have made him feel weak with doubt that she would never speak to him again, but throughout that time he was also determined to fix things. Ethan couldn't let this go on any longer, his heart ached to hold her in his arms again and relinquish the truth.

Now that Grayson restricted his alcohol intake, he no longer had access to what made his demons vanish. He had to take them on himself and finish them off once and for all. By that, he means ceasing the reoccuring images and voices of Ryan threatening him and Emma shouting and pushing him away. Those thoughts haunted him for the last two years, and he let them. He was struck with fear.

Ethan sat on his bed, conjuring up potential scenarios that could happen if he visits Emma in person. He expects to be demanded to leave in any of the scenarios, but he has to figure out a way to get past that roadblock. Giving in to her request would merely be an admit of defeat, and he wasn't willing to give that. Not when the mending of their relationship was on the line.

For this, he has to be strong. He can't allow flashbacks of her slamming the door on him to swallow him whole and prevent this from working. He has a chance to change this, no matter how upset she may be to see him at her house, he has to be direct and explain that all he wants to do is talk.

If Emma doesn't like what he has to say, then he'll leave, but not without setting his side of the story straight. He'll be heartbroken if after all he says, she still wants him gone, but at least the truth would be out. The truth will set him free and maybe he can move onto a healthier life. Best case scenario, she forgives him and his last two years become irrelevant and a change can wash over him.

He decides to talk it over with Grayson first. He feels bad about how their relationship became strained. With his overwhelming thoughts and uncontrollable flashbacks, he's kept to himself. He repressed his feelings and confided only in himself and the voicemails he left her. Ethan knows that his brother was always there for him and he understood what happened, but he wouldn't understand the pain his heart had gone through having estranged his relationship with Emma.

Ethan was a lot closer to Emma than Grayson was. They were all friends, but Ethan gravitated towards her more intensely than his brother had. He appreciated all the alone time he had with her because he felt like it truly grew their friendship. He had almost admitted his feelings to her but that was prevented by the threat Ryan left him.

Ethan steps into his brother's room, hoping he wasn't still upset with him about the recent hospital visit.

"Hey Gray?" He says, wearily.

He looks up, "What's up, E?"

Thankfully he didn't seem too angered. Ethan knew he was only upset with him because he was concerned for his well being and hated seeing him so destroyed.

"I think I'm going to visit Emma tomorrow." Ethan admitted.

Grayson looks weary, "Are you sure about that?"

Ethan was. He knew what it had come down to and he had to resort to his last option. It was a scary option, at that, one that held uncertainties. However, he was sure this was the right choice to make.

"I am. I have waited too long to tell her about everything and I don't want to wait any longer. She didn't deserve what happened, but she does deserve the truth. I hate knowing I caused her pain, but I also can't handle the pain it's given me to be apart from her while both her and I suffer separately." Ethan says.

Grayson nods, "Just be gentle, she's hurting and by going to see her can cause her more pain. Keep her perspective in mind as well, she has every reason to be upset until she knows why it happened. Even then, don't take it personal if it doesn't go down the way you want it to. You can only control your own actions, and not hers."

With that advice in mind, Ethan feels the reality of this sink in.

He wanted to stay optimistic, to believe that she would let him enter her home and allow him to justify what happened. He tried to steer from the possibility it may not take place the way he's hoping for. He knows that Emma is kind and warm-hearted, but she could think he was trying to take advantage of her.

By now, she's probably built a wall up defending her from anymore damage. Ethan can't even imagine how she felt after he stopped all communication with her, especially since she never was told the reason why. Whenever he thought about it in her perspective, he really felt like an asshole.

It wasn't right that he let the truth hide for so long. He knows he was at fault for that, but for the true situation, he wasn't. He couldn't have controlled his friend's actions. He didn't know that by agreeing to hang out he would have become an accomplice to robbery. Although he didn't help commit the crime, he didn't notify the authorities.

He prays that when he makes the effort to see her tomorrow, she'll be kind and open to what he has to say.